Yup, it's kind of like that...

Of course it was written by a woman...

OK, I am reposting this off of one of the many sites I visit daily... too damn funny...



1. Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.

2. Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck & the noose.

3. Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because they’re practicing to be men.

4. Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One – he just holds it up there & waits for the world to revolve around him.
OR. Three – one to screw in the bulb, two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

5. Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.

6. Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath & calling your name?
A. You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.

7. Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A.Because not one will stop and ask directions.

8. Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.

9. Q: Why do men whistle when they’re sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

10. Q: What is the difference between men and women…
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

11. Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

12. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to “instruction manuals”

Broken record...

It never fails to impress me how people that normally bitch about something will rehash the same crap over and over. Especially if they have already gotten the dusted back hand slap down. Is it that it has to be responded to like an episode of Sesame Street? ' Nnnnnnn. Ooooooo. Nnn. Ooo. Nnooo. NO!'. Actually... That might confuse them and drive them deeper into a child like state if denial. Kicking and crying, wanting a pice of candy in the store. Making a bad situation even worse. This is were you should legally be allowed to shelve the niceties and tell them 'will you just shut the f up!' with a smack to the back of the head. The flapping jaw attached to your face is nothing but a billboard of stupidity. Advertising to all the world that you share the level of intelligence with a walnut. Ok I feel better now.

Nuff said...

As I return...

Let's see if I can pick this back up.
On a quick update... Life is almost normal, but then again how do you measure that. Work is nice and crazy. The Texans actually look like a real football team this year. And finally, technology is pissing me off. That is all.

- Posted from my iPhone. Mobility is a way of life...

My hero...

This guy here...

is a TOTAL dick!

NSFW LINK TO PIC!

And to think...

I was all happy that I was finally keeping a blog up to date... and look at me... I have now become one of the many squatters that litter the internet with crap that is out of date and useless. I guess I was right...

http://chuck-amuck.blogspot.com/2008/05/here-goes-nothing.html

Ummmmm.... ok.....

I'm pretty sure a decent sized loan would be required to pay for the medical attention this woman needs....

HELP GDGT!!

Ok everyone, come help fight the good fight over at www.gdgt.com

It's a site dedicated to all things that are gadgets! Add me, http://user.gdgt.com/ChuCKAmuCK/

HOLY MC WOW WOW!

I have to go out of my way on this one. As many of you know, music plays a HUGE roll in my life. While digging up some of the classics, mostly Jazz, on YouTube I came across an unsigned talent by the name of Elisha Jordan. If you are a fan of vocalist, you have to check her out. Her voice yields her the ability to span several genres of music, but in my book the absolute show stopper is her rendition of My One and Only Love. You can just close your eyes and it takes you to another time...

I hope everyone takes the time to explore her work, you won't be disappointed.

Wow... this is the future...

If you're cooked... this is WHAT you cook...

In a lame attempt to keep this blog alive, I finally found something to post that wouldn't take me all day lol

Eating food when you're stoned is like having a thousand orgasms in your mouth all at once (maybe I worded that incorrectly), and during our extensive research sessions in preparation for this article, we discovered a collection of foods that we feel stimulate the stoned palate more than any other delicacy on earth. These, in our opinion, are the 7 Best Foods to Eat When You're Stoned:

http://www.holytaco.com/7-best-food-eat-when-youre-stoned

Something that is on my mind

As posts go, this one might be off the beaten trail a bit. I'm not saying that it will be a whimsical journey down the path of righteousness, but I will say that my goal is to hopefully be thought provoking at the least.

Looking at what the world has handed us recently, I can't help but think... who or what is at fault? To me, the more interesting subject is the variety of blame. The democrats blame Bush for the economy, the world blames the 'dirty pig' for the h1n1 'swine' flu, and there are STILL people who feel as though the government is watching their every move with helicopters and high power satellites. I know my mind is simple, I make no fact outside of that, but why the elaborate blame games? Here is a novel idea, let's take all the energy of blame and work it towards resolution. Not to break the hearts of those who complain and accuse with such proficiency that it makes a robotic factory look out of sync. I guess my issue is with the 'cause by convenience' individuals. They act up and become fair weathered fans of a cause they should have been supporting from day one. In the information age we live in, it's difficult to say 'I didn't know'. Take where I live for example. Those who know the real me, remember the days of my earth day marches, my continuing effort of recycling, and the oddest of all habits, cutting the plastic rings on six packs. By the way, my reason for that is if my 'trash' happens to make its way to a body of water, the rings don't become the perfect killing machine of fish when they swim into it as a gill catching choke hold. To use the age old comment, but I digress... where I live, they JUST fired up an effort to allow a way for trash customers to recycle. Yes, 2009 and they are just now getting on board. Better late than never, but still a travesty that it has taken this long. Today happened to be the first pick up day for the recyclables. I expected the streets to be lined with bins eagerly awaiting a scenic trip around town to the final destination of a new beginning. The Hindu path of refuse as it may. To be reborn as a better being. I was shocked to see that along with myself, only one other home had put their bin out for pick up. Here I am, begging for a second bin due to the meticulous filtering of products to be recycled and there are scores of homes with little or no effort. My frustration isn't with the fact that their involvement is so low, far from it... my displeasure comes into play when the same people complain about the subject of the world around them. Oh I'm sorry you couldn't actually involve yourself, taking precious time away from your $85k Mercedes, or the Hummer you have as a second vehicle just for the hell of it. Tell me, are you the same one complaining about fuel cost? The same one complaining about your stocks failing? Or better yet, the home you live in that is well beyond your means just so you can say you have 3000 square feet of house for you, your trophy family, and little dog named Bunny? Again, this takes me back to, how can these types of people complain? Sell your $150k worth of cars, park 2 or 3 Priuses (sp) in front of that quarter of a million dollar plus home. You would save cash, save gas, and the catch phrase of the decade... reduces your carbon footprint. The bonus of this is that you would be able to keep that trophy home and most likely have left over money in order to pay that nasty mortgage down. Heaven forbid should anyone actually live well within their flow of income. It's ok if you don't eat out for lunch every day. It will be just fine to allow a piece of clothing to become more than a month old. Don't worry, your friends won't think any less of you for wanting to provide a stable life for your family rather than edge dwelling on the brink of bankruptcy. If they do complain about your new leaf of a life, ditch them. You have nothing to prove.

Now I feel as though I'm rambling into oblivion... no point... no reason... what the hell did I actually want to say when I started all of this anyways? Am I self reflecting on short comings in my own life? Would I be thrown out of line by the Soup Nazi for my floundering thoughts?

That's ok... I didn't want any soup anyways... hypocrites never get soup…

I MUST HAVE IT!

Oh please OH PLEASE!!!!

http://www.datamancer.net/keyboards/deco1/deco1.htm

The end of the world draws near...

Well, I created a Facebook page AND a twitter account today...

Follow if you wish :-)

On Facebook, just look for Chuck Amuck or hit the link above my pic on the left hand side of the blog

http://twitter.com/ChuCK_AmuCK

Happy Little Irish Dude Day!

Crack out the Irish bacon and cabbage people! It's time to get drunk, schnockered, pissed, bombed, cockeyed.... WHATEVER! Just make sure you do it in the clovers and it's all good.

Damn, that's one hell of a woman...

Amy G - Kazoo
by vacomteam

Thing I Saw Today, Mar 13

A Ingram 18 wheeler I let change lanes because everyone else was being an ass, a keyboard I broke, a Fresh Hot Now sign, and an email asking me for my opinion...

Thing I Saw Today, Mar 11

A bewildered face, frustration in the room, a big puddle in the road, a script that was good, and a failed u-turn.

Things I Saw This Morning, Mar 11

A sideways truck, a car with no headlights on the highway, rain, water cooler, and a radar loop.

--
-=[Ignorance is bliss...]=-

I AM ChuCK_AmuCK!

Things I Saw Today, Mar 10

Btw, these are from my phone...


Bill Miller's BarBQ, Chase Bank, Johnson's Hauling, a blinking red light, and a bad driving dump truck.

--
-=[Ignorance is bliss...]=-

I AM ChuCK_AmuCK!

Check. Check. Check 1. Sibilance. Sibilance.

Don't blame me... Skooter made me do it...

I now pronounce you dude... and dudette...

That's right people... I AM ORDAINED!






For those of you who would like to know...

http://www.dudeism.com/index.html

Almost there.... soooo close..... (try 2)

New link since it was pulled from YouTube...


LMAO (that's all I need to say)

Can we build it? Faaagetabout it...

This is the Bob The Builder we as adults wish would air every day instead of that mind numbing other stuff that's supposed to be helping our children grow up right... I did this one by link because the video will auto play when you embed it in a page. Can't be having that every time you visit my blog...

http://www.metatube.com/?Seccion=Videos&Accion=Ver&Video=12628&Categoria=29

Not just Capt. Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger...

The whole crew is a testimony to what a well trained crew can accomplish. I know there has been a lot of coverage on this, but I felt compelled to share it. Capt. Sullenberger is no doubt a fine pilot, his impeccable flight record and the fact that all 155 passengers aboard survived speaks for itself. In my mind, the MAN he is after the event speaks more than his skills and training did on that day. Here are the 3 parts of the 60 Minutes interview of the crew of U.S. Airways Flight 1549.






Here is the transcript and original un-edited radio communication between the tower and flight 1549.

Steroscopes of the now!

One of my many hobbies happens to be antique collecting. Books, reading glasses, stereoscopes, cameras... stuff like that. Well, I happen to fancy quite a bit the simple technology used to create depth in an image by use of the stereoscope. Not sure what I'm talking about? Remember those ViewMasters we used to have as a kid? Same thing. In today's world of technology, there are new ways to fool the brain that don't require any additional hardware pressed against your face. It's called a wiggle photo or stereo animation. I will be working on a project here real soon to attempt to create a few myself. In the mean time, here is a sample and a link that will tell you everything you need to know in order to create your own!

http://3dculture.com/occ/Panoram_time4space_wiggle.htm

The Family News

So the mighty ChuCKster was digging through some old papers and found a family newsletter from... well... a LONG time ago. May of '86 to be exact. Come to think of it, that wasn't that long ago. Anyways, so I guess it was a bit of a trend back then, using dot matrix printers and such to type up a little news paper to send to family and friends. No Virginia, there wasn't any email or Twitter back then. As I'm looking at the AMAZING graphic quality on this paper, I thought I would share one of the segments... Keep in mind this was written by an 10 year old, so go easy on them. The names have been changed to protect the guilty...

Dad's C-64
Dad loves his computer. When he messes up, he says "&$%#*$#%"!!! and so on. ChuCK loves the C-64 too. ChuCK plays every day. The game that ChuCK likes the best is Bards Tale. Dad uses the computer for writing his reports and printing pictures with Print Shop.

It's funny to me reading this, because of the comment about Bard's Tale... considering a previous post about it... http://chuck-amuck.blogspot.com/2008/05/old-school.html

Konnichiwa. Sore wa ikura desu ka?

I miss my days in Japan. I really do. Well this site here is a great place to buy things that might normally be difficult to find. Well, ok, maybe not difficult... but damn hard for someone like me in the middle of Texas. Not much call for Hanafuda cards around these parts... Although, if someone wants to be real nice and order me some, I would LOVE it. See, I'm missing one card out of my deck... oh never mind... back to my point. Anyways, this site is pretty damn cool.

http://www.jun-gifts.com/

How to treat a woman wrong..right? Wait... wrong...

LOL and men wonder why we have a bad wrap... well... this video says it all. Oh and ChuCK does not endorse this video, but I did laugh... is that wrong?

(some language)

Become a guitar master NOW!

All you need is about ohhhhh 3 friggin weeks of free time, a great video editor, and the patients of those maple syrup collectors in New England. Although, hats off on an original vid and a great tune.

Damn it Jim I'm a doctor, not a quantum physicist...

That's it. Time for me to start worrying about the world we live in. It would appear that the world of Gene Roddenberry is right around the corner. In what would have to be one of the more stunning events in modern science, the Joint Quantum Institute at the University of Maryland, have successfully 'transported' matter from one location to another. That's right folks... teleportation is no longer a dream.

No one is galaxy-hopping, or even beaming people around, but for the first time, information has been teleported between two separate atoms across a distance of a meter — about a yard.This is a significant milestone in a field known as quantum information processing, said Christopher Monroe of the Joint Quantum Institute at the University of Maryland, who led the effort.
Now the JQI team, along with colleagues at the University of Michigan, has succeeded in teleporting a quantum state directly from one atom to another over a meter. That capability is necessary for workable quantum information systems because they will require memory storage at both the sending and receiving ends of the transmission.In the Jan. 23 issue of the journal Science, the scientists report that, by using their protocol, atom-to-atom teleported information can be recovered with perfect accuracy about 90 percent of the time — and that figure can be improved.

Hmmmmm 100% accuracy 90% of the time.... That still means you can get scrambled and end up with an asshole on your forehead and a dork for an elbow.... SIGN ME UP!!!

To read more head on over to http://www.livescience.com/strangenews/090123-teleportation-atoms.html

All joking aside, I have to say I am really excited about this... imagine what the next generation will come up with, that is if they can step away from MySpace. Facebook, Twitter, and GeoTracking of friends for the hell of it....

Our proud nation...

In what actually makes me sick to my friggin stomach, there is a new trend out there... auctioning off a job/position for the LOWEST acceptable pay. Now I'm not talking about contractors or construction... or even production lines. I'm talking about your 9-5 cube monkey life of a job. Sit down, log in, drool, log out, go home type of job... the job that over the course of last year, hundreds of thousands found themselves without...

In a sign of just how tough it is to find work in the struggling economy, a group of Boston college grads has created a Web site that allows job seekers to try for positions based on who will work for the lowest salary. Similar to eBay’s bidding system, Jobaphiles.com visitors can bid on job positions by stating how much they are willing to be paid. They can also post why they are qualified and create a profile that includes a photo.Employers can then select the most qualified and affordable bidder to hire for the job. Nguyen said it might be the right tool for many in an extremely tight job market --especially for recent grads. Massachusetts’ unemployment was 5.9 percent in November and rising.“College tuitions are on the rise and there are hiring freezes for many entry-level jobs.”He's banking on www.Jobaphiles.com representing the future of job competition.

You have GOT to be f'n kidding me...

Don't get me wrong, I'm alllll for civil rights. Laws for equality. The abolishment of racism, but... this is a two way street people. Equal is equal the last time I checked. I guess in this case it's not.

Seven black firefighters are suing the city, contending that the Houston Fire Department’s test for officer promotions adversely affects blacks. “This is systemic discrimination,” said the firefighters’ attorney, Dennis Thompson. “Selection rates for African-Americans are abysmally smaller than for white candidates.” Firefighters trying to attain the rank of captain and above in the Houston Fire Department must take a 100-question multiple-choice test. Numerous studies show that blacks as a group do less well on high-stakes tests, Thompson said. He said fire departments should use cognitive tests only as a pass-fail benchmark and also should focus on performance exercises and other criteria. “We don’t do as well on these multiple-choice tests,” said Capt. Otis Jordan, president of the Houston Black Firefighters Association. Jordan and the HBFA are not part of the suit. “I compare fighting a fire, riding an apparatus, to playing football. Your best athlete might not be the straight-A student.”

Wow... well I guess it's a good thing Dr. Guion Stewart Bluford figured out how to take a test... considering he was an astronaut. Oh and what about Shirley Chisholm, I guess by this logic she didn't actually take any tests at Columbia University for her Masters before she became a Congresswoman. And where would we be without Dr. Charles Richard Drew... because we all know that becoming a medical doctor and being credited with his discoveries with blood plasma have nothing to do with written tests. Hmmmm and I take it Martin Luther King, Jr. never took anything in the way of a written test...

And in golfing news...

Most of you know I fancy a bit of golf every now and then. I have even been known to play more than once a week... ok... maybe even 4 times a week. Anyways, I came across this wonderful article about a man who is suing the Candia Woods Golf Links. The reason? He got a hole in one... problem is, the hole was is eye and he is now blind in it. Now before I get drug through the streets for making bad golf puns about ones misfortune, the reason he is suing is because he wasn't warned that a ball HE hit could bounce off of something, come back, and hit him. Dolt...

Paul Sanchez, a 67-year-old "occasional" golfer, sued Candia Woods Golf
Links this week over an accident that left him blind in one eye. Sanchez, of 20 Country Club Drive, Manchester, was golfing with two or three friends in September 2006 when a ball he hit bounced off a yardage-marker and "whacked him" in the right eye, according to his attorney, Barry M. Scotch."Before he
could even -- pardon the expression -- blink, he was hit," Scotch said. "It just ricocheted right back at him."In the lawsuit, Sanchez faults the course's owners for failing to warn him about the markers, which are used by golfers to decide what type of club to use and how much effort to put into a swing. The suit contends the course didn't warn Sanchez about the risk in the pro shop, on the scorecard or on any tee boxes.

To skank or not to skank....

Is it just me, or has the mainstream news almost gotten this bad...

NSFW due to language...

Look into my eyes...

Ok, this one... well... I guess you're just going to have to watch and listen... wow... I'm almost ashamed to be human.

NSFW due to lyrics

Bad day?

Yea mmmmkay, watch this video... think about your day.... THEN answer that question...

Partizani!

LOL ok, it's official people. The ChuCK man has officially checked out. I know this is an older song, but I'm friggin hooked on it. Makes me want to drink Vodka, Ouzo, and grab a big bowl of Golabki.

Can you hear me now?

Well, looks like I'm going to have to bring back the 'ol jackass awards. In what would have been at least a foot note in the Darwin awards this year, a young man decided it would be a good idea to chase after a friends cell phone. Problem you ask? That's what friends do you say? If you and your friend happen to be walking along the side of the caldera of Crater Lake and one of them drops something... let it go. No, don't be a hero... nothing to prove... just let it go... Not to mention, anyone who owns a cell phone knows for a fact that most of them can't handle falling off your hip much less into a crater hundreds of feet down.

A man almost fell into Crater Lake on Saturday after he tried to reach his friend's cell phone that had dropped into the caldera. Jackson County firefighters said Kevin Harris, an Oregon Air National Guard airman, climbed down the ice in hopes of reaching the cell phone Saturday afternoon. However, he slid 200 feet and almost fell into the lake, fire officials said. If Harris hadn't stopped his descent, he would have dropped off a 700-foot cliff, the Medford Mail-Tribune newspaper reported.

Jenny Jenny, long live the 80's... (yes you can sing the title of this entry)

Today seems to be full of 80's flash backs. First was the DJ from New Jersey, Spencer Potter, who was auctioning off his phone number... 867-5309. eBay pulled the listing after Verizon complained about it... BOOOOOOooooo. Then I stumbled across this kick ass Ghostbusters t-shirt at http://www.80stees.com And finally, I got hooked for a few hours on this little gem of a site... http://www.infinite80s.com/. Go there are your own risk...

So now the real question is, do I actually miss the 80's or am I longing for some lost youth. Shit... midlife crisis time already? I'm not ready for this... OOOOooooo look a Smokey and The Bandit marathon on T.V.!

All for nothing...

A few days ago I posted about my displeasure on the remake of the Mean Joe Green Coke commercial... well, goes to show... in my HUMBLE opinion... I was right. They should have left it alone and not even TOUCHED it. Ok, sure it had a tiny bit of humor... the over the shoulder "is he coming" was cute, BUT all in all... I would have rather spoon fed my eyeballs to a wolverine. Ok, maybe not that bad... For those of you that missed it, here it is in its entirety as it aired during the Super Bowl. Also, here is the link to my original rant about it... http://chuck-amuck.blogspot.com/2009/01/some-things-better-left-alone.html

A moment of silence please...

BOOM! So some of you know, I have a soft spot for the 'ol pig of a plane known as the C-130. In this case, I can't think of a send off more fitting for the king of the sky. For a little back story, this is what happens when an aircraft in the US inventory is beyond repair and in a deployed situation. Strip it, gut it, set it a blaze...

Congrats Steelers!

As I said before, I was pulling for the AFC. So all is good in my home... Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Steelers on a great Super Bowl XLIII win! Final score: Steelers 27, Cardinals 23.

I'm just sayin...

Now those of you who know me have heard me say "make love, not war". I live by that rule... and I'm not saying I agree with this outcome... but I understand. Frankly, the little shit deserved it...

Not when I was in school... and yes the creation of rock was cool...

Some of you out there have heard the personal side of my rant about how kids these days, particularly girls are a bit... on in their years compared to when I was younger. The way they dress, act, talk.... even look. I have heard all the stories from "it's due to genetically altered milk" to "I guess this is the part of Darwin's evolution theory that no one will argue with". Personally... I'm not a fan of these young ladies growing up so fast. Too many jerks and asshats out there, not to mention the sick F*CKO pervs out there just WAITING to use the line... "she was asking for it".

So, on the flip side of all that is on the up and up with our youth... I come across this gem of an article...

A packed crowd of around 1,000 teenage students – aged 14 to 19 – saw the saucy display as part of a health drive. Students videoed the dances on their mobiles. A row has now erupted at South Devon College in Paignton after the demonstration prompted a wave of complaints from teachers. The demo – held in a public area of the school – was run by Sam Remmer of pole dancing company The Art of Dance. The 32-year-old said she was invited as part of the school’s Be Healthy Week.

Oh yes... it's real...
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2186897.ece

Friggin Valentines Day....

So, I'm not a fan of the day... in all sense of the matter. Typically a pretty rough day for the 'ol Chuck, but this year there is hope. Thanks to Dynamic Pawn I know EXACTLY what to get this year! A nice semi automatic pistol...

Confused porn...

LOL NSFW due to content and some language... but made me chuckle

Shameless plug...

Some things better left alone...

Since I'm in the Super Bowl mood, I just read an article that kind of made me mad. The only thing that makes it even REMOTELY ok is that he is also a Steeler and the original star is cool with it. What is 'ol ChuCK talking about? The timeless Coke commercial with the All-Time great, Mean Joe Green. This was one of those commercials that set the bar for marketing THAT much higher. Well, I guess the whole world will have to wait to see if Troy Polamalu does this any justice...

For your viewing pleasure...

The original...



The teaser for the new one...

Super Bowl tickets only for OMG YOU TOOK MY KIDNEY!

I'm a football fan. (for my international readers... not that version of football with tiny boy shorts and a round checker boarded ball) I love it. I miss playing it... and I can't get enough of it on T.V. First off, GO AFC! Notice I said AFC.... although my Texans will not be there anytime soon, I will however support the division. Much like the National League in baseball... but that's for my summer time rants. So, back to my original point. The Super Bowl has become an institution of American life. T.V. sales, snack food booms, and countless people clearing space in their houses so nothing gets broken... THEN there are the lucky 65,857 people... plus or minus a few... that will actually be there when it happens at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa. I myself, will not be there. I know... many of you are wondering HOW the mighty ChuCK couldn't be at such an event... Well, it boils down to time. But then again... it could have something to do with the nose bleed seats going for $1,600 a pop. Now we all know I would be more than happy to drop the $5,000 -$9,000 for 50 yard sideline seats... no problem. Yea right... So I get that this is THE game. The big momma. There is none higher at any level of football. The NFL even has gag orders on all media outlets that they can't use the words "Super Bowl" unless they sign a contract with all kinds of clauses. Hell, even on the radio they outright said "since we can't say it, the BIG GAME party will be at..." how sad is that... Currently the projections put ticket sales totaling around $57 million, advertising at around $275 million, and oh AND they are still bitching that they will fall short of their goals by around $50 million. OH me oh FRIGGIN my... they aren't making enough money. So how bad is it really hitting the NFL if some radio station says the words "Super Bowl"? What if they broke it up... something along the lines of "the Super event that happens to be played only once a year that uses the reference of a eating surface called a Bowl". Does that work? I don't think it will break the bank for them... Hell, I think my budget, in this wonderful economy we have here, is about $28.75. Just enough for chips, beer, and MAYBE oh just MAYBE some bratwurst... if it's on sale. You know what... somewhere along the line I lost completely what I was talking about... oh well...

Go AFC..
You SUCK NFC...
and this Super Bowl shit is getting WAY too damn expensive...

Damn that's a shitload of work...

The exact amount of a "shitload" varies widely between context and culture. Here is the breakdown:
Standard English Shitload = 1007
Metric Shitload = 10000
Baker's Shitload = 1008
Binary Shitload = 1024

Of course there's the matter of how many shitloads in a Assload, or a fuckload:
Standard English: Fuckload = 4 Assloads = 8 Shitloads
Metric: Fuckload = 10 Assloads = 100 Shitloads
Baker's: Fuckload = 5 Assloads = 9 Shitloads
Binary: Fuckload = 1024 Assloads = 1048576 Shitloads


(borrowed from another site... can't remember where...)

Counters Pina Colada

Ok, bear with me on this one... since we are on the subject of drinking until morale is better.... First off, I am not a doctor. I'm not a chef, nor am I a bartender. SOOOOOooo keep all of that in mind when you read all of this.

I started a mission a while back to make a sugar free (or as much as possible) Pina Colada for my sister in-law. In my search, I have been able to reduce the sugars in my Pina Colada to all natural and alcohol sugars. These sugars are much easier for the body to absorb, making this drink as close to “sugar-safe” for you or your diabetic and even dieting friends. So if you use the specific ingredients that I have found, you should be good. Now everyone is different and you should know your own limits. Don’t in anyway expect this to be the magic mix, it just happens to be the best that I have been able to put together in my search.

Complete list of ingredients to make approx 3 batches in the ‘ol blender, just enough to polish off the bottle of rum. Now I don’t condone getting all liquored up by yourself, but if you’re serving a group this will go fast.

1 Bottle of Cruzan Coconut Rum (Captain Morgan’s Parrots Bay is also very good in this mix, but I have found that Cruzan has a smoother taste in the blend)
3 13.5 oz cans Port Arthur Coconut Milk
3 6 oz cans of Dole Pineapple Juice
1 half gallon of Blue Bell “No Sugar Added” Vanilla Bean Ice Cream
Enough ice to get the job done


2 cups of ice
½ cup Dole Pineapple Juice
1 cup Port Arthur Coconut Milk
1 cup Cruzan Coconut Rum
1-½ cup of Blue Bell “No Sugar Added” Vanilla Bean Ice Cream


Add ice (preferred chopped or in small cubes) then add all liquid ingredients into the blender. Blend ingredients down for approx 15-20 seconds. Then add the 1-½ cup of Blue Bell “No Sugar Added” Vanilla Bean Ice Cream. Blend for another 30-40 seconds or until desired consistency is met. The ice cream really ties all of it together, making the drink more like a smoothie rather than a gritty traditional ice drink. To add a bit of flair you can even slice some fresh strawberries or add mint leaves and fan them across the top to bring some color to it. Any way you like it, the drink should go down just fine.

Enjoy!

***** OFFICIAL NOTICE *****

THE DRINKING WILL CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES!

-That is all...

Leave the jokes to the professionals...

There is a fine line between a comedic genius and a dumbass. With that being said... the ones being paid to be funny.... NOT on the dumbass list. Oh sure, you can be funny... AND a dumbass... (see Jim Carrey)... but... when you are in a position as one of the most (formerly now, you lost points in my book) respected people in your industry and we are facing some of the most difficult financial times the planet has ever seen... jokes are not allowed. No, not even at a party. No, not even "I just flew in and boy are my arms tired". Where am I going with this? Well... let me show you...

ExxonMobil CEO Rex Tillerson on Wednesday was at a charity event in Dallas (what? Dallas has something to do with oil?) and made the comment, oh and I FRIGGIN quote... "You mean (that) they're too low?" in reference to gas prices while speaking to a reporter. You have got to be kidding me. That's like telling Helen Keller to LOOK and LISTEN to Cirque du Soleil because it is AMAZING... then fading into the classic... ohhhhh my bad. Let me get this strait you pompous jackass of a business man... You made well over $5 mil last year, you're the CEO of THE largest publicly traded oil company, AND I'm willing to put good money down that the electric bill for your house last month is my annual income... oh and not to mention these "record" earnings that keep getting posted... So it's ok to say gas prices are "too low" AT A FRIGGIN CHARITY EVENT! Wow... I guess charity and compassion are separate financial books on your pile of ledgers. Guess which one needs an audit...

So what to do with such an asshat as this? Well, nothing people. As I always say... you have to take it in the Bo Bo because PEOPLE like this run the joint. I'm getting all misty... I'm so proud of the human race...

If you must read it for yourself...
http://cbs11tv.com/business/gas.prices.exxon.2.914067.html

HOLY MOTHER OF PICKLED GOATS FEET, HOOOOLLLDDD EVERYTHING!!!!

Ok, one damn minute... ONE MINUTE!!!


Did you guys and gals know that there is a new President of the United States? Some cat named Obama... Why the hell am I the last to know this kind of thing... you think SOMEONE would have at least mentioned this in passing to me. OH OH OHHHHHHH and GET THIS!!! It happened yesterday! Oh yea... that's right people... I was left out of the DAMN inner circle of information AGAIN!

...that's it... where's my agent... we need to talk...

Product of the year... in January...

Ok, so I'm sold by the name alone... Beer Pouch Sweatshirt with Hood HOW kick ass is that? This is about the best damn article of clothing since Vans checker boarded shoes! Check this out...

Finally! You can carry around a beer while leaving your hands free to high five a complete stranger in the stands, carry more beer, or operate your hands-free cellphone. The Beer Pouch Sweatshirt is perfect for sporting events, picnics, and really boring offices.Features a 30 square inch pouch with elastic band and an insulating liner to keep your beer ice cold. The pouch can stretch to accommodate soda cans, bottled water, and even cans of soup and bottles of whipped cream.

beer-pouch-sweatshirt-hoodie


ORDER TODAY!!!!!

The Muse...

muse (plural mus·es)
noun
Definition:

1. somebody who inspires artist: somebody who is a source of inspiration for an artist, especially for a poet
2. artist's inspiration: the source of inspiration that stimulates an artist, especially a poet
3. artist's particular talent: the gift or talent of an artist, especially a poet


By definition, the word muse is selfishly contained by the arts. I wonder though... is it possible for there to be a muse in every facet of life? Is it possible for the inspiration of this being to transcend the arts and into one's daily life?

According to Greek mythology, the Muses are a spirits who embody the arts and inspire the creative process with their graces through remembered song and stage, writing, traditional music, and dance. Considering the era that the Muses (Musae or Mousai) were presented to humanity, the beauty of the arts were all encompassing. Life WAS art... but now, in modern day, the transgression of art has become something of a blur. Undefined in any culture that would be properly represented to the next. Art in itself has taken a turn into the maelstrom of perception to be used as a shield of representation. But what of the muse... In today's world, the muse can be visible in all walks of your day. I feel as though any inspiration entrusted from one to another is the work of a muse. Everyone is enjoying the comfort of a muse whether you are aware of it or not. I wasn't... It was only recently that I was able to sit back... and recognize the inspiring goddesses that have influenced my life... in the past and as of late. In art and in life... To create is to live, to empower... to be.

More music that moves me...

This one is dedicated to one song... and one song only. Ringfinger by Nine Inch Nails (Trent Reznor). Unlike the last post, I will include the lyrics on this one...

Ringfinger by Trent Reznor

well you've got me working so heard lately
working my hands until they bleed
if I was twice the man I could be
I’d still be half of what you need
still you lead me and I follow
anything you ask you know I’ll do
this one act of consecration is what I ask of you

ringfinger
promise carved in stone
deeper than the sea
ringfinger
sever flesh and bone
and offer it to me

you just left me nailed here
hanging like Jesus on this cross
I’ll be dying for your sins
and aiding to the cause

ringfinger
promise carved in stone
deeper than the sea
ringfinger
sever flesh and bone
and offer it to me

wrap my eyes in bandages
confessions I see through
I get everything I want
when I get part of you

ringfinger
promise carved in stone
deeper than the sea
ringfinger
sever flesh and bone
and offer it to me

ringfinger
promise carved in stone
deeper than the sea
ringfinger
devil's flesh and bone
do something for me

Always remember safe sex...

Sooooo here is the question... Having sex like a wild animal is perfectly normal. It is, just face it... as long as you are safe about it. Always use a condom. Simple.... So what about fetishes... well those are fine too, whips, food, leather... you name it. Even balloon animals. Well, what if it's balloon animals MADE out of condoms having sex...

Like I say... it takes all kinds...

Possibly NSFW! lol





Daaaaamn thats hot! I need a smoke... brb...

So, I might... maybe... well.. not sure... one sec...

Have you ever been at that crossroad? The one where you are stuck right in the damn middle... no guidance, no clue, no direction... I'm there. Well, I think I am. I'm really not sure if I am or not, but I may very well be. When you have all the information you need and you still feel like it's not enough. You find your self clawing at every thought that skips through your mind... picking it apart and tossing it aside, nope... that's not it... that's not what I want. Or is it... it could be, there is a good chance it is... I think. YES! It is! THAT'S IT!!!

Maybe if I just listen to Journey it will all be better...








Nope... that didn't help... now I feel a bit weird about myself. THANKS inner thoughts.... damn it...

KKKaaaaaaaahhhhhhnnnnn... The plane!

On a VERY sad note, actor Ricardo Montalban passed away today at the young age of 88. For the better half of 4 decades, this Mexican Monchismo was THE man when it came to Hispanic actors. He dominated most table conversations and every form of entertainment through the 50's, 60's, and 70's appearing in everything from T.V. shows to coffee commercials. With his thick accent and sensual draw, most women of the day couldn't help but pay attention to this exotic man... and some are still swept off their feet to this day. In the 80's he was thrown back into center stage with one of his most memorable roles ever, bringing back the genetic superhuman, Khan Noonien Singh in the feature film Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn. Showing his complete love for the art, he accepted the role for a mere $100,000 because he enjoyed the character that he portrayed in the original T.V. series so much. Although, his most prominent contributions may have actually occurred off screen as the president and founder of Nosotros. The non-profit organisation for the improvement of the Latino and Hispanic image in the entertainment industry. The lasting impressions he has left for Hispanic entertainers reach far beyond his unforgettable roles on screen.

God speed Mr Montalban.... You will be missed...

"If you shake your fist, the other guy will shake his too. But if you extend your hand to shake their hand, then they will extend theirs also, and you've made a friend."

- Ricardo Montalban

MMmmmmm love me my precious...

Well, I think I have finally lost it. I have fallen prey to a social network... As most of you know... I love music. I always have some kind of tune in my head, ear buds in, or music blasting to the masses. Well about a year ago now, I broke down and bought an MP3 player. Now I had won a iPod Nano 2gb in a contest... don't ask it is REAL geeky... anyways, I loved it with the exception that I have play lists that are bigger than 2gb and I hate the way you barely touch the little scroll wheel thingy and it would go off and do something. Not the kind of sensitivity you want while driving. So here I am at Best Buy with an iPod Classic 80gb in one hand and the Zune 80 in the other. Now, I'm the kind of person that will research a product until it is discontinued... so this was a life changing moment for me. After much picking up and putting down... I chose the Zune 80. For reasons such as disabling the touch pad, the Wi-Fi sync system, FM tuner... and not to mention the stock ear buds are DAMN good quality. So why am I mentioning this now? Well, I have been resisting joining the Zune Social site. A neat little place to share everything there is about music... and now I'm addicted. Custom backgrounds, favorites, shows what you listen too... the works.

Damn it... I have been rambling. Ok, back to my point, you don't have to own a Zune to use the Zune player and become a part of the Zune Social. At least I don't think you do.... Anyways, if anyone out there owns a Zune or is a part of Zune Social let me know. I have added the link to my profile off on the left side of my home page that looks like this...

Here is the direct link as well. http://social.zune.net/member/iamChuCKAmuCK

Right now I have it set up so that only people that are a part of my friends network can see details about my listening habits... oh yes... it's that scary....

When you're hot your're hot...

Ok, there is ohhhhhhh about only ONE reader that will get this, but you know what... your DAMN worth it! So I came across something I just have to send you. This will make your FAVORITE past time even more enjoyable! It's a see through iron. :-) Ok, before you kick me in the nuts over this... it's real damn it. I bring you the B-Iron 725! Completely see through and all the styling of the rich and famous. Although, it is missing any ability to produce steam... which means they are successfully marketing this to people who have actually never had to iron their own cloths in their life, but have to own it because it looks cool...

http://www.yankodesign.com/2009/01/12/see-thru-iron/

People that piss me off...(pt1)

Ann Coulter, you slag whore of a waste of flesh. The only good thing about you is that you are an easy target for people to be angry at. You just plain piss me off. That is all...

My god man, what happened to your manhood?

Now I believe in equal rights like the next person. I will also never tell someone what they should or shouldn't do... but this time my limits are being pressed. I ran across an article today that just about made me shiver myself into a little ball and cry for mommy. What would do this to big bad mean 'ol ChuCK? Mantyhose. That's right... no typo... mantyhose. Pantyhose for men... ahem... ok... now, I'm all for gettin' freaky in the bedroom, you know with that special someone, BUT let me tell you RIGHT now... this one, I'm going to have to pass on. I'm sure some of you are calling bullshit. "Yea yea ChuCK, some of the stuff you come up with..." Ok, don't say I didn't warn you...

(Here is the link for your shopping pleasure...)
http://www.luxelegwear.com/index.php?cPath=5

OMG THAT FELT GREAT!!

Damn, I have been KILLING myself over this for a while now...

Ok, back story... Myself and several people I deal with on a day to day basis were coming up with movies that we remember from our past... problem is... I forgot one of them that I wanted to mention. Nothing pisses me off more than going into a conversation knowing exactly what you are going to say... just to draw a blank. Well... I did exactly that in this case. SOOOOOoooo now I'm here to vindicate myself to the entire interweb that I have remembered the movie!

Morons From Outer Space! Released back in 1985!

Was it good? No... actually no it wasn't, BUT that wasn't the point of the conversation either lol. What I do remember is an underrated performance by British actor Mel Smith. I have to say, of the generation of actor/writers at that time, he was top notch. He is one of those people that when you talk about him it's along the lines of... "oh you know him... he is that guy... in that movie..." Well, be befuddled (wait was that one of those double negatives my teacher used to yell at me about?) no more, just mention that he is the albino in the dungeon scene in the movie The Princess Bride.


If you wish to torture yourself even further... here is the closing credits of the movie. But I must warn you... you may become less intelligent by simply watching it... lol

LEGO Porn!!!

Well this one I would file in the NSFW category... but still damn cool. This is what happens to that one kid that never grew up... that's 30 years old... living with mom... STILL playing with his LEGOs...

Actually, the cool thing is that it isn't really made from LEGOs. It's a form of pixelizing portions of a photograph. What... a guy can't hope for LEGO porn? Don't judge me...

http://www.fubiz.net/blog/index.php?2009/01/09/2583-pixels-shooting

NFL Playoffs...

Ok, so lets talk football a bit. I know some of you hate it... BUT, simple fact is that most men are addicted to some sort of sport. Lets face it... if you can't get laid, you can always watch some sort of competitive sport to get your rocks off. It's as barbaric as that. Anyways, I'm sitting here watching the Giants and the Eagles slug it out in a messy game anxiously awaiting a Giants loss. Before anyone goes and sets fire to me, hear me out.

First off, NOT an Eli Manning fan. Any primadonna snot nosed shit that has the HONOR of being drafted in the NFL, who whines and holds out for a trade on draft day because they don't like what team chooses them... needs to be told to go back to the playground and shut the hell up. Admittedly, he has won a Super Bowl, but still. Where have the players gone that just played for the love of the game? You never hear about the guys who grind day in and day out making the league minimum, but are there because they are chasing a dream. NOOOOOoooooo you hear about the pretty boy quarterback who thinks he is better than the common man, or the gambling ring that has been bankrolled by insane contracts, hell you even hear about shootings and beating that come at the hand of these so called role models. That's what I want the youth of today looking up too.... "Sorry teach, I'm not turning in that homework because I never agreed to the terms bound in this classroom for the graduation year... speak to my agent."

Second, I think that watching McNabb, the good and bad version, take a team into and through the playoffs is a great story. Shunned by the city of Philadelphia's fair weathered fans who only love him when they win, benched in the middle of the season for a rough (one of many) outings, and the fact that he STILL has the monkey of Terrell Owens on his back. That just makes for great news... sorry sports writers, no one was found with a hooker on the field and no one went to jail for beating up someone in the bar... maybe next time you will get lucky with your 'All is dark in the NFL' story you morose bastards.

Third, lets face it... repeat winners are boring. Spice it up a little... time to share the wealth of winning with the fans as well. That's what keep these damn professional diaper wipes of athletes paid... fans. ( http://chuck-amuck.blogspot.com/2008/09/what-makes-fan.html )Maybe I'm just bitter because the team I love has to be in one of the toughest divisions in the NFL... and the chance of them making the playoffs anytime soon are as good as a recount in the presidency voting to show that McCain won...

Oh well, we will get them next year... GO TEXANS!

WE ARE THE TEXANS
AND PROUD TO BEAR THE NAME
WE ARE THE TEXANS
WE’RE GONNA WIN THIS GAME
WE ARE THE TEXANS
WE FIGHT UNTIL WE DROP
COME ON TEAM SHOW YOUR STEAM
AIM TO BE ON TOP
COME ON TEAM SHOW YOUR STEAM
WE WILL BE ON TOP (CUZ)
WE ARE THE TEXANS
OUR TEAM IS GONNA SHINE
WE ARE THE TEXANS
COME ON AND HOLD THAT LINE
WE ARE THE TEXANS
AND WINNING IS OUR PLAN
HIT ‘EM HIGH HIT ‘EM LOW
ANYWAY YOU CAN
HIT ‘EM HIGH HIT ‘EM LOW
SHOW ‘EM YOUR’RE THE MAN

Call now and get a second BeDazzler free!!

This is a sad state of humanity when any car, much less a Mercedes-Benz SL600, can be covered in rhinestones... and people LIKE it!

An exhibitor polishes the customized Mercedes-Benz SL600, Luxury Crystal Benz, studded with 300,000 Swarovski crystal glass, displayed at the pavilion of custom car accessory company Garson/D.A.D at Tokyo Auto Salon 2009 at Makuhari Messe in Chiba, east of Tokyo

(Xinhua/Reuters Photos)

ChuCK's editorial...

I figured I would speak my mind for a bit. I'm reading the news... as I always do since I'm an information nut... and it's all gloom and doom. Financial centers are failing, international currencies cease to hold value, war in lands that have been in conflict since the dawn of man... where is all of this taking us? I'll tell you where. For the mass majority of America... it's taking us to Taco Bell. Well why not Taco Bell. You can eat like a king for 5 dollars and not see anything that resembles the hard times that have fallen upon this planet. But then again, I imagine it's only a matter of time before that is ruined. I know my love for coffee has been violated. That's right... violated. I'm not talking about a little pinch in the ass, I'm talking outright mounting me in the ass and knotting it's rotten fingers in the scruff of my backside and riding me like a Big Wheel on Christmas Day. Drinking about 2 liters of coffee a day will do that to you. I normally walk around with a cup as a fixture of my body for the first half of the day. Well, on Friday I was forced to purchase at the local choke and puke. One, very bad I might add, cup of 12 oz coffee... $2.50 DAMN! $2.50 ... I remember when that was a quick fill up of gas, but then again back then I only got 8 maybe 10 miles to the gallon. Not that it mattered, because gas was only 74 cents a gallon.

Back to my original point... are things that bad in the world, or has age allowed me to see things differently? Personally, I feel the latter is the case. I was wandering down memory lane last night, listening to music that ruled my life when I was in my teens... damn some of that music sucked. I couldn't bring myself to listen to some of it... but there were a few that still struck a cord. Now, however, the lyrics mean something totally different to me. The grow my hair to my ass, eat me Mr. establishment days are long since gone... missed... but gone. Now I have the unfortunate eyes and ears of wisdom that creep in on the music, ruining the original passion I had. Back then, life was so simple. As they say, chicks... beer... and rock n' roll! Now, I'm in the FAST lane man... that's right... truck payment, mortgage, and hearing my favorite bands NOW on Classic Rock. Yup, the world really is that bad... and it's all coming to an end...


(The point of this editorial is to point out that most editorials have in fact no point at all, but are purely the explicit opinions of the writer, usually in an effort to sound more important than the readers to inflate their on ego.)

I'll have a flame broiled Facebook meal please?

In what I have to say is one of the best marketing campaigns I have seen in a long time, Burger King is handing out free Whoppers. The catch? You have to cut 10 people (friends) off of your Facebook account! HELL YEA THERE IS A LORD!!! Not being a fan of Facebook, or any other social site for that matter, I'm incline to get an account JUST for the sake of making friends to delete them... because we all know that after bar drinking sexual adventures... the midnight munchies RULE!

http://www.whoppersacrifice.com/

One small poop for man, one giant crap for mankind...

Now those of you who know me are used to the fact that I'm very inquisitive. Sometimes you just HAVE to know whats going on... this time... I'm sorry I asked. I stumbled across this wonderful toilet addition the other day... It helps keep track of how much weight you.... well... read for yourself....

You know they say you’re a few pounds lighter after a seated visit to the loo, it’s true. Designer Haikun Deng designed a toilet seat with a built-in digital scale but her rationale behind its conception is a bit counter productive. It’s designed for women who are constantly monitoring their weight. The need to feel skinny is satisfied every time they finish the “doo.”

Here is the link in all it's fecal glory...

http://www.yankodesign.com/2009/01/07/fat-before-a-visit-to-the-loo-skinny-after/

Day in a life...

Am I the only one who really digs time lapse videos?