ChuCK's Words of Wisdom

If you thought you were, you might have actually been. Problem being, if you were unaware if you were while you were, then knowing that you were in fact really that way is a moot point. Unless you knew you were the whole time, then you would be an ego-bag.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

I'm even speachles on this one...

LOL ok, i just can't stop laughing about this one. Now as a former baseball player, in the pros as a kid on the sandlot, i can say that baseball players are some of the most superstitious people on the planet. they spit the same way, swagger the bat the same way, hell some of them won't step on a field line when they are heading out of the dugout. so check THIS one out... Jason Giambi of the New York Yankees has recently admitted that he wears a tiger print THONG to get himself out of slumps. Oh but wait, it gets better... he SHARES it with teammates suffering from the same ability of not being able to perform on the field.

"I only put it on when I'm desperate to get out of a big slump," the 37-year-old slugger told Portfolio.com.
Giambi said he has loaned the thong out to teammates, including Derek Jeter, Bernie Williams, Johnny Damon, Robin Ventura and Robinson Cano.
"All of them wore it and got hits," he said. "The thong works every time."

America's new pastime... Thong Baseball... doesn't he looook FAAAaaabulous?

Betcha didn't know this about ChuCK...



Full name... Charles Alowicious Amuckaby

Random quote from a book in my house pt.3



"I ran. Ben ran. Ned ran. The rabbit still ran."

-Seymour, Dorothy Z. (1965) The Rabbit

ChuCK's "Did You Know"...

Hammer + old wood +LONG nail = bad move. Trust me on this one people, if you know you can sling around a hammer pretty good. Make sure what you hit doesn't fly apart. it hurts. oh yes, there is pain involved... it's true... trust me!

Way to put thought in this one...

ok, i admit... i can be sick at times. hell i have even been asked to leave places, but i think this one should be thought through for the real sickos out there. In Toronto, they are using a new technique to get speeders to slow down. you get to chose your punishment. pay the ticket, or hear an essay read to you by 11th grade school girls. pedophile picking grounds anyone? come on, i mean would you REALLY want to put these innocent girls in harms way by parading them around after someone just broke the law? a small offence mind you, but hey even Manson had to start somewhere...
The essays were assigned to students in the Grade 11 law class at
Monsignor Paul Dwyer Secondary School, located near the high-collision
intersection of Rossland Rd. W. and Stevenson Rd.
The idea was to teach safe driving principles to both drivers and students, who included statistics, consequences of bad driving and personal tales in their messages delivered at a mobile command unit.
"The students allow us another medium to get the
message to drivers that unsafe driving is not welcome in our city," said Const.
Chris Heffernan, traffic safety co-ordinator at 17 Division, who organized the
event.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Inspirational lyrics pt.9

"Gimmie that - your automobile,
Turn off that smokestack
And that goddamn radio
Hum... along with me..."

- Perry Farrell, Eric Avery, & Dave Navarro, Jane's Addiction Stop

ChuCK's "Did You Know"...

did you know that there are some women that want it every 15 minutes? that's right guys... i even was told right to my face... it's true... EVERY 15 minutes...

Random quote from a book in my house pt.2

"Trojans can be distributed in a myriad of ways: inside a worm that infects on million machines; insertion into a macro of a Word document and emailed out to 2,000 corporate users; insertion into an MP3 that takes advantage of the player vulnerability on a machine; or posted on a Napster file sharing networks for 50,000 downloads."

-Tony Alagna & Howard Schmidt Larstan's The Black Book on Corporate Security

Interview Quote of the Day...

“Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening.”
–Bill Clinton

guess it's tough to hear from under his desk...

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Guest blog writer...

YAY!!!! I have been asked to do some guest writing on another blog! I will be posting my "I should have slept instead" series on their blog as well. PLEASE take the time to go check them out at phukkoff.com

Interview Quote of the Day...

"Boy, they were big on crematoriums, weren't they?"
-George Herbert Walker Bush
-during a tour of Auschwitz
(yes, that's daddy Bush... it's no wonder we get so many gems from Jr.)

I probably should have slept instead… pt.1

(This will be a mini-series, so hang in there)
I was a bit out of sorts last night, so being in an unstable mind I read a few of what are considered the greatest historical documents this country supposedly has. I’m not talking about the dollar menu at McDonalds or the latest misguided information in the New York Times. (like any one reads off of paper these days anyways) I’m talking about the Declaration of Independence and The Constitution. So as I’m reading these documents, I find my mind wandering off. The problem is, I tend to view everything with a cynical eye. If you REALLY think about it… pretty much everything on this planet has a funny spin on it. Not to mention, when I read things there is this really cool teleprompter that shows up in my head to help me understand. So, here we go… the preamble of The Constitution of the United States of America.

We the People of the United States. Ok, let’s take a look at that. We the people huh? This is only reserved for those who get the bar-coded stamp of numbers that are in a system controlled by the government. You know, the suits on the hill that make up the people? The people of “We” were forgotten years ago.

In Order to form a more perfect Union. Perfect in the eyes of the elitist politicians and business owners that control our every waking existence from the brand on the shelves to when we can hunt for food…. Yea that sounds perfect to me.

Establish Justice. This is where I hear the music on the other end of the phone in between those heartfelt messages… I’m sorry, the “eye for an eye” system is busy right now, please hold. Your call is important enough to us to ignore the real problems at home while we deal with another country’s issue.

Insure domestic Tranquility. The big giant head says “Drink the cool-aid & watch your cable, all is good.”

Provide for the common defense. Well, before we can provide for the common defense we must first spend money on pet projects for screws and hinges made in a foreign country, fund a conflict on every continent for the sake of great CNN coverage, and enjoy dinner with the finest lobbyist on Capitol Hill. Once this is all taken care of, I’m sure the people of “We” are next in line…

Promote the general Welfare. Oh are you in need? Sorry, we already spent that money in a country that wasn’t even on the map until a satellite news crew showed up. Your poor conditions in rural America are not that bad… you’re an American right? Be happy, eat your friggin cheese. Ignore the poverty in our own country, we have well funded systems to help everyone. ::: insert cricket sounds here:::

And secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity. This one here is my personal favorite… pay your taxes you sheep of America. Our representative on the hill has a Bentley that needs new tires. Your children will thank the all mighty man when they learn to skip a meal. Makes them tough and appreciate how good it is here.

Do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America. Forcing views down our throat while we gag on the hand that they wipe their ass with… yum.

…but I digress, this is just the preamble of The Constitution. 1787 was a couple of years ago. How are we to expect that the general public would even want to know about it, much less understand why it was written in the first place... So let’s move along kids. We are walking, were walking, were walking aaaaannnd stop. Here are the Amendments of the Constitution... (Stay tuned)

Random quote from a book in my house pt.1

"In the end of this year he was seized with a spasmodic asthma of such violence that he was confined to the house in such great pain, being sometimes obliged to sit all night in his chair, a recumbent posture being so hurtful to his respiration that he could not endure lying in bed; and there came upon him at the same time that oppressive and fatal disease, a dropsy."

- Boswell, James (1791) The Life of Samuel Johnson

Natual selection isnt that bad after all...

sometimes i wonder if the whole natural selection way of evolution (if thats your bag) is a good idea or not. so there is this chap in Dallas Texas who once again proved that the limit of human stipudity (if you havent noticed... that how i spell it) is as high as the sky. this guy is pounding back beers, playing cards, you know... having fun. he then gets one of those crazy deep itches in the middle of his back. we have all had them, those shitty ones you can never reach... well, unlike most of us who would LOOK around for something to scratch it... check out this slick winner...


“He told officers he had an itch on his back and grabbed the first thing he
could get a hold of, which was a revolver,” Lt. Dean said. “The gun went off."
Mr. Espinal went back and told his buddies that he shot himself. “They
didn’t believe him until they saw the blood coming down his back,” Lt. Dean
said.

Hi, I'm Billy Mays...

it slices, it dices, it even hammers nails!!! ok, well maybe not, but to know that i have the whole Warner Bros. ACME catalog at my fingertips? now thats just cool... check it out

ACME Catalog

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Holy flaming shit box Batman!

i admit, i can rock a can as good as the next guy... but you could image the braggin' rights of the man pig who would have had this happen to him?


Free repairs to flammable toilets

Japan's leading toilet manufacturer is offering free repairs to 180,000 toilets after some of them caught fire.There have been three incidents of the electric bidet accessory in Toto's Z series catching fire, reports the BBC.
"Fortunately nobody was using the toilets when the fire broke out and there were no injuries," a company spokesman said.
"The fire would have been just under your buttocks," she
added.

Interview Quote of the Day...

"A lot of gamers were somehow expecting Gears 2 to suddenly come out and have big bright purple flowers and rainbows and unicorns coming out of my ass or something like that."

-Epic Games' Cliff Bleszinski

(Eurogamer interview of Cliff on Gears of War 2)

Education at it's finest...

so i wonder if this is what Bush had in mind with the whole no child left behind thing. as if these 'innocent' high school students havent seen worse on MTV, Desperate Housewives, or YouTube... come on.... a picture IN another picture in a book???

Allen (Texas) High School students first noticed the
scandalous pictures on a magazine in the background of a photograph in the
Deutsch Aktuell textbook, WFAA-TV, Dallas reported Tuesday.
"We were actually
doing a class reading and a few students noticed it and started giggling, and
the teacher caught on and the whole class knew," student Joshua Sabik
said.
"Oh, it was obvious ... Naked women, breasts, right out there in your
face," Joshua's mother Desiree Sabik told WFAA.

Now THATS marketing...

according to the UPI (United Press International) of London, the RAF has started a new marketing campain... rubbers. :-) The RAF has begun a mass mailing operation to raise awareness about how the RAF arent a bunch of stiffs or are they...(pun might have actually been intended)

"A total of 20,000 prophylactics are being mailed in a recruitment drive,
The Sun reports. They're mounted on cards with the instruction "Apply to weapon
when on maneuvers.""


Included on the card are several other handy uses for the 'ol pole
wrapper... one can only image. gotta love the brits :-)

Inspirational lyrics pt.8

"Okay lets buzz a while
A buzz buzz (buzz buzz)
A buzz buzz (buzz buzz)
A buzz buzz (buzz buzz)
A buzz buzz (buzz buzz)"

- James Moore (aka Slim Harpo), I'm a King Bee

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Yes... this is a true story...

no offense to those in the 'help desk' world... i know what it's like. problem is, smacktards like this guy are what ruin it for the ones who really can help and know what the hell they are doing. though, i must admit, it was fun as well...
to fill in the back story, i have an XP x64 system that i have been trying to get printer drivers installed for a while. the trick is... every link on HP's site was dead or timesout at the time of this call. so, for your enjoyment... here are a few snippets from our hour long chat...

Alfred: Chuck, are you able to see the Download button?

Chuck Amuck: yes... I can get to the site...
Chuck Amuck: but the ftp location, the location of the file, times out

Alfred: Okay. Please try with this location.
Alfred: .
Alfred: Are we still connected online?

Chuck Amuck: yes we are

Alfred: Okay.
Alfred: Are you able to download the software?

Chuck Amuck: no I am not... that’s the whole point
Chuck Amuck: the link times out
Chuck Amuck: or do you not understand timeouts

Alfred: I understand your concern.

Chuck Amuck: this has been fun and all...
Chuck Amuck: but I’m pretty sure I’m not going to get anywhere with this

Alfred: I realize how testing the situation can be; please be assured I will do my best to resolve the issue.

Chuck Amuck: how testing the situation can be?
Chuck Amuck: you mean frustrating...
Chuck Amuck: unless testing has taken on a whole new meaning I am unaware of

Alfred: Thanks for being online.

Chuck Amuck: not a problem, I enjoy being online

Alfred: Chuck, please try to download any other application.

Chuck Amuck: well, I download my updates all the time... does that count?
Chuck Amuck: I downloaded a patch for one of my games this morning, does that count?

Alfred: Let us delete all the temporary files in the C drive.

Chuck Amuck: ok, which temp directories?
Chuck Amuck: ... I have several
Chuck Amuck: ...and again I pose the statement... this has nothing to do with my ability to download

Alfred: To isolate the issue we have to delete all the temp files and disable the antivirus and firewall.

Chuck Amuck: as entertaining as this is, this is where I will draw the line.
Chuck Amuck: I’m not opening up my machine in that fashion
Chuck Amuck: considering I have no issues downloading from anywhere else
Chuck Amuck: ok, well it’s been fun... thank you for your time
Chuck Amuck: I’m just going to pick up a Canon. I was able to download their drivers while we were chatting.
Chuck Amuck: again, thank you for your time

Alfred: You are most welcome.


wow... i hope he doesnt breed....

Old School...

So I was digging through my mountain of software, floppies, and mystery sheets of paper when I can across my copy of Bards Tale. I'm not talking any re-hash or new flashy opengl version... I'm talking the original from Interplay... when they were the new boys on the software block. Ahhh yes... the year was 1985... Back to the Future was on top of the box offices, Mikhail Gorbachev just came into power in Russia, and good 'ol Ronnie was running the show. It just doesn't get any better than that. So anyways, I decided to see if I could install the game... and low and behold after cramming that whole 669kb of data onto my machine, I was soon basking in the glow of a grand CGA game. A game that stole many hours of my life that I will never get back. I soon realized that my brain was a bit unequipped to handle the game like it used to.... that's not to say I'm very good with the door knobs of today as well, but that's a story for another time. I spent about 2 hours wandering around the town of Skara Brae. In that time my head was slowly tilting to the left in my best pose as a confused puppy... what in the hell am I doing playing this damn game. Yet AGAIN Bard's Tale was stealing my life away like an electronic drug, slowly sucking the neurons right out of the 'ol brain pan. It makes me wonder.... If I didn't spend any time at all hammering away on a keyboard, all that time trying to defeat the evil wizard Mangar the Dark, or killing little dots and eating ghosts in Pac-man, what the hell would I have turned out like? Did all those games wreck my brain? Was it an overdose of Captain Kangaroo? Were Bert and Ernie really gay lovers? I guess we will never know...

It's the little things...

...that piss me off. time, time has to be the biggest offender of the pissing off of ChuCK. i need more of it. just a little. i need ChuCK time. i need the days to be 36 hours long, i need work shifts to be 12 hours long, i need smoke breaks to be longer than 5 minutes, i need some time for myself to figure out... brb getting called...

30 minutes

isnt it friggin amazing how 30 minutes can make a difference... 30 lousy minutes... a half an hour... try it some time. go somewhere 30 minutes early, get there 30 minutes late... hell wake up 30 minutes early, watch how that mind screws you for the day.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Phones...

the electronic leash has gone to far. there should be a national SHUT OFF YOUR FRIGGIN PHONE day.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Crap like this...

This is a sure friggin sign that reporters have WAY too much damn time on their hands...

"NEW DELHI - Condoms designed to meet international size specifications are too big for many Indian men as their penises fall short of what manufacturers had anticipated, an Indian study has found."
- Reuters

...or do i for posting it...