Screw you Obama... You first McCain...

I was just having a conversation today about how much fun it would be working in the marketing department of a sex toy company. What does that have to do with anything? Well,there are a new brand of condoms on the market. My only thinking on this one is, is it supposed to help you not get pregnant from the US government? I mean, they are always screwing us. Ohhhhh that's right, never mind. They like giving it to us in our ass... They must just be for show then...

McCain Condoms

Obama Condoms

You light up my life... and my penis...

LOL I would have to say they the people who created this candy are either VERY innocent... or are all women and have no clue that a male lap rocket looks like. Well, I guess it could be that I just have a dirty mind too... Check out this pic that has been floating around today .

Watch out men, he's dangerous...

Since I have recently post about the uselessness of the British Monarchy recently, this bit of new struck me as another grand wast of resources. It apparently takes 50 armed police officers to apprehend one little 12 year old boy...

More than 50 police officers swarmed on a 12-year-old boy accused of stealing a £10 note which was hanging out of a cashpoint.The army of officers was called after a row broke out when a woman, 27, accused Pascoe Petgrave of stealing the tenner from an HSBC bank machine in Thornton Heath, south London.Pascoe, who stands at just 4ft 7in, said he had been given his mum's bank card to withdraw money when he spotted the note - but the woman who had been nearby claimed it belonged to her. A Croydon police spokesman confirmed they were investigating an allegation of theft of £10. When asked why 50 officers had been present, she added: 'Police attended the scene and during the course of investigating the matter, a large crowd had gathered. Elements of this crowd were hostile to police activity which resulted in a call for further assistance being made. That was answered by other colleagues, who subsequently attended.'

No shit, you think people are gonna wonder wtf is going on when you pound down a 12 year old kid with so many officers?

Screw world peace, say no to the monarchy in the UK...

I'm soooo friggin glad that the people of the world, our leaders in the United Nations are concerned about the British Monarchy. Never mind that world hunger is higher than ever, 3rd world countries are slipping further into genocide, and the fact that people are getting slaughtered every day because they just can't get along. Maybe I missed something, but even though the monarchy is in place (god save the queen and all that), she really isn't at the steering wheel of the country anymore. Not that it's any of my business, considering I'm just a "bloody Yank" as it may be, but don't you think there are bigger issues to be dealing with?

The UN Human Rights Council said the UK must "consider holding a referendum on the desirability or otherwise of a written constitution, preferably republican". The resulting report said Britain should have a referendum on the monarchy and the need for a written constitution with a bill of rights. The monarchy costs each adult in Britain around 62p a year but even groups representing taxpayers said there was no case for getting rid of it. The UN report was also critical of the UK's treatment of immigrants from Sudan. Syrian representatives accused the UK of discriminating against Muslims and Iran complained about the UK's record on tackling sexual discrimination.

Again, just an outsider here... honestly... when has the UK politically ever put ANYONE on an equal level as themselves... Sorry Syria, take a number. The line labeled "Countries Who's Feelings Have Been Hurt By England" is the one you need to be in...

Damn it, late again...

I have heard about some pretty ingenious ways to catch a plane that you are late for, but calling in a bomb threat is not a bright idea. In what was supposed to be the perfect plan to stop a plane from leaving this reporter behind, ended up costing him more than a second plane ticket...

A German journalist covering the European football championship tried to delay his flight from the northern Italian city of Verona to Vienna by making a fake bomb threat, according to reports in the Italian media.The 27-year-old showed up late at the Verona airport on Thursday and the ground personnel for airline Air Dolomiti told him he could no longer board the flight. That prompted the tardy hack to call the police to say there was a bomb onboard the plane.The fake threat closed air traffic at the airport for several hours while the bomb squad checked out the airplane. But shortly after his anonymous call to the police, the German journalist went back to the check-in counter to say he had heard the plane was no longer preparing to take off.
Since no public announcement had been made on the departures board as to the flight’s status, the man quickly became the prime suspect for the bomb threat. His mobile phone then confirmed police suspicions and he was arrested.

What do you know... he's smart enough to be a journalist, but can't figure out that caller ID will bust you? Never mind... my fault for thinking journalists are smart. Oh and no offence to you smart ones, the hat looks good on you...

You see that baby? Yea, that's all me...

We have our dumbass of the day award going out early today. Yes, he already won it hands down. Now back in the day if you were horny and wanted to use technology to toss it, you had to call a 976 number. Then the world of cyber infected the planet... now you have cell phones. I have been reading more and more about nude photos and videos being sent around on these tiny little devices (that sure wont help a mans confidence). Well, in this case we have a classic idiot who just didn't get the hint...

Benjamin Baker, 27, of Princes Highway in Corio, Victoria, pleaded guilty in Geelong Magistrates Court yesterday to stalking and using a telecommunications device to harrass. Police Prosecutor Seaton Lillas said Baker repeatedly harassed his victim by phone and sent her video of him masturbating. Unfortunately for Baker, one of his video calls was made while the woman was at her local police station laying a complaint."The victim answered the call to find Baker again masturbating himself and she showed the officer taking her statement," Senior Constable Lillas told the court.

Stuff I watch on YouTube...

Here is a little insight into ChuCK's world. Here are a few of the people I keep an eye on in the world of YouTube. Don't stop with what I posted here, check out the other stuff they have done...

This guy is one of those people that has a great dry humor that keeps me watching...


By far one of the most underrated "news" comedians out there...


One of the best solo metal cover guys in the biz...


A great young talent. Simply put she is a fun and free spirit. One of the best...


Those of you who have played Portal and beat it, this is Jonathan Coulton. He did the ending credits music...


This gentleman is one of the better "tap" guitarists out there and he makes it fun...


ANYTHING Pat Metheny. Probably one of my favorite guitarists...


Andy Mckee... DAMN... simply amazing...


And to finish up, a couple of my favorite Jim Breuer clips...

No thanks, it gives me gas...

Well, the end of the world may be upon us. As I'm digging through 3 days worth of news that I get, I see a startling and growing trend. Headlines about gas and oil... check some of these out. Oh and these are real news stories. Not the normal crap I post about. What kills me is this is only 3 days worth and to be honest, I stopped there cause I got tired of linking them...

Police taking steps to save gas

Gas Station break-in suspect arrested after waking Hillsdale County sheriff

Man sought on suspicion of stealing gasoline

Gas Prices Could Hit Six Dollar A Gallon By End Of Summer

Saudi Arabia seeks oil price curb

The Varying Impact of Gas Prices

Crude Oil Drops as IEA Cuts Demand Forecast for a Fifth Month

How to Light a Fart on Fire


Well, the last one is for your education, just in case it gets so bad with oil that human methane becomes a viable fuel. :-)

I'm sorry ma'am, I need to see some ID for the sauce...

I have to say, this one doesn't suprise me at all. For those of you who are state side and hate how Wal-Mart is taking over our country, the brits are not immune. They have to deal with a retailer called Tesco. Now they are kinda cool, just like Wal-Mart, they have turned themselves into a one stop shop for all your needs. Problem is, like our infestation... they think they are better than everyone else. In this case, refusing to sell Jack Daniel's BBQ sauce without a valid ID...

Claire Birchell, 25, was told she could not buy the Jack Daniel's barbecue sauce which has an alcohol content of 2 per cent. Staff at the store in in Flitwick, near Bedford also refused to sell the bottle to her brother-in-law, Philip Dover, 27, who did have ID, because they believed he would just give the bottle to Miss Birchell. She was visiting her parents in Flitwick at the time and wanted to buy the sauce because shops near her home in Liverpool didn't stock it. Mr Dover said: 'We just could not believe it. It's not as if we were going to go and sit down the park drinking it.

HELL NO WE WON'T POO!

Wow, the level they will go to for "non-lethal" weapons is amazing. Now there a new device that the Denver Colorado Police plan on deploying that will allow them to make people crap themselves. Yup, that's a good idea... you start of with the crowd yelling, chanting , maybe even throwing a stone or too. Next thing you know, you make them shit their pants arming them with a much more vile weapon to sling back. Nice move guys... Ever hear of monkey's having a shit fight in the zoo?

Political activists planning protest rallies at the upcoming Democratic Convention in Denver have their stomachs in knots over a rumor about a crowd control weapon - known as the “crap cannon” - that might be unleashed against them.
Also called “Brown Note,” it is believed to be an infrasound frequency that debilitates a person by making them defecate involuntarily.Mark Cohen, co-founder of Re-create 68, an alliance of local activists working for the protection of first amendment rights, said he believes this could be deployed at the convention in August to subdue crowds.“We know this weapon and weapons like it have been used at other large protests before,” he said.

Hell yea 3G iPhone! What, it's cheaper too?!?

Well sure it is! They learned their lesson from the last release that even though people are willing to buy the damn things off the shelves like it was crack, they will still bitch about the price. So in a business move that most cellular phone makers learned years ago, they are allowing AT&T to "subsidise" some of the cost of these new devices. That means cheaper phones! Well, kinda...

In a classic bait-and-switch, AT&T is raising its minimum monthly service subscription for the new iPhone from $60 to $70 per month, according to the Associated Press.That's an extra $240 over the lifetime of the two-year contract — more than the $200 initial savings on the handheld's retail price. And all you "unlockers" probably won't be able to buy an iPhone directly from Apple and then jimmy it to work on another network with a cheaper plan. That's because it looks like Apple isn't going to sell them online any more.

Another WoW break through!

Yes, I know the Onion is one of the greatest source of sorta news... but I have to agree with this one. WoW might be getting a little out of hand...




pssst... it's a joke people...

Damn it, I peed on my putter again...

I know it pisses me off, no pun intended, that when I'm getting ready to chip in off the fringe I have to pee. So what do you do? You're sitting on the 12th fairway and you have been pounding back beers the whole time. Do you wait until you finish the round? Intentionally hit it out of bounds so you can "look for your ball" a little longer? Now all your prayers have been answered. The UroClub is here to save the day...


Every aspect of this piece of equipment has been meticulously worked out to make it simple and trouble free to use. To start with, the UroClub™ is designed from a light weight resin with a molded grip. The cap opens and closes easily and is designed with a triple sealing system to ensure that it is leak proof. The privacy shield hooks to the sides of the pants or belt and adds stability. This allows freedom of the hands to manipulate the club and zipper.


www.uroclub.org

How bad do YOU suck?

ROFL ok, I admit I have had a rough few days...but I have to say, nothing makes me feel better than watching someone else have a worse one lol

Son, you need your ass beat...

In what seems to be an increasing trend, an 8 year old boy was arrested for assaulting his teacher... over a friggin crayon. This is a prefect example of how removed parents are from their child's daily life. Get involved people, cause I'm tired of dealing with these jail bound ass-hats when they grow up...

An eight-year old boy is about to get a first hand lesson in criminal justice. The second grader was arrested for allegedly punching his teacher in the face. NBC2's Patrick Flanary had a chance to speak to the young boy.An argument over crayons in the classroom ended inside a patrol car for second grader Deshawn Williams. His wrists were in handcuffs and his teacher was badly bruised.
"He gets very upset and he loves to hit," said Deshawn's grandmother Dorothy Williams.Dorothy says Deshawn often throws tantrums and gets physical, but never with adults.At four feet tall and weighing only 70 pounds Deshawn may not appear threatening, yet he admits his tantrum went too far. "I threw the chair over there and then she wants to press charges on me," said Deshawn.

I love the last line, I threw a chair and now she wants to press charges. Yea no shit pal, your lucky you didn't get your spoiled little ass slammed to the wall.

Sooooo tired

... oh so tired... please let me sleep...

WoW widows unite!

LoL Now I'm not a World of Warcraft player. Not even really an interest in it. I have a fundamental problem with dropping cash on a game and then a monthly fee to keep it going. I know for a fact I would play hard core for about a month... then have to pay for the next 7 months to keep my damn character until I regain interest in the game again. Aside from that... there is the so called "addictive" factor of the game that makes relationships fall apart like a card house...

Well, this is one way to complain...

I have to say, gas prices are pissing me off as well. Especially since I, like most Texans, drive a guzzling truck. Now on the flip side, I WOULDN'T go setting fire to a gas station in protest...

A Danville woman faces arson charges after she allegedly set fires at two gas stations and a coffee house, saying she was protesting high gas prices.
The woman, 64, remained Thursday in a Contra Costa jail on $810,000 bail on suspicion of premeditated arson and burglary.Police say the woman used a fireplace log and a lighter to set fires in the restrooms of an Arco station, a Chevron station and a Starbucks on Wednesday. No structural damage was reported at the locations.

I think I'm a dead man...

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die":

1. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood.
2. At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work.
3. For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't burden him with household chores.
4. Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had told her. "You're going to die," she replied.


:-) Read this one today and wanted to share.

Awwww did we hurt your feelings...

Looks like its time to dust off the old "Not Necessarily the News" tapes. The world of political correctness has taken another HUGE step back...

It’s the only way Tory Bowen knows to honestly describe what happened to her. She was raped.But a judge prohibited her from uttering the word “rape” in front of a jury. The term “sexual assault” also was taboo, and Bowen could not refer to herself as a victim or use the word “assailant” to describe the man who allegedly raped her.The defendant’s presumption of innocence and right to a fair trial trumps Bowen’s right of free speech, said the Lincoln, Neb., judge who issued the order. “It shouldn’t be up to a judge to tell me whether or not I was raped,” Bowen said. “I should be able to tell the jury in my own words what happened to me.”

I say let the judge get bum rammed a few times against his will and see how he feels about the words...

I've heard of paper certs before, but paper cops?

In what I'm sure is costing the public WAY too much money in Kinko's bills, the Ottawa Police department is using a new way of getting speeders to slow down. Cardboard shaped photo realistic cops. Can't wait for the next headline... "Cardboard cop no help with pileup." Yup, I'm sure people will be slamming on breaks causing wrecks...

Police in westernmost Canada are deploying life-size cardboard replicas of traffic cops pointing a radar gun at oncoming traffic to try to reduce speeding and road fatalities, authorities said. And these mock-ups are so realistic that while being tested on a Vancouver street this week, "a tow-truck driver pulled up and started talking to it," Staff Sergeant Ralph Pauw told a press conference on Thursday.
Eight of the cut-outs will initially be deployed on city streets, Pauw said. And in case some drivers aren't fooled by the facsimiles, "there may or may not be a (real) police officer behind one of these cut-outs," he added.

Guess this is one way of getting your doughnut break...

Hey teach... time for YOU to wear the dunce hat...

This is just taking it way to far. When I was in grade school, although mom objected, I got my ass beat by the principal if I stepped out of line. Total bend over and take the hole drilled whistling paddle time. Now a days, I guess if your just doing your job as a teacher and trying to keep the unruly youth of today in line...well... just read...

Teachers are under scrutiny for shouting while trying to control students in the classroom and playground.Education Department officials are investigating teachers for shouting at students to "put that down'', "leave him alone'', "sit down'' or "pick up those papers'' and demanding to know, "who told you that you could go there?'' The Sunday Telegraph has obtained letters sent from the department to teachers, asking them to explain their actions. One letter stated: "It is alleged that while you were employed as a teacher you engaged in unreasonable conduct towards students, contrary to the Code of Conduct 2004, in that on unspecified occasions in class you unnecessarily yelled at students''.

How about this "parents of the wild"... teach your kids some friggin manners and respect and the underpaid educators of today wouldn't have to raise your kids for you.

LEGO's will one day take over the world...

This is a pretty cool collection. I'm not saying I support adults playing with toys, but when you do something like this... it's taking it to a whole new level.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/balakov/sets/72157602602191858/show/

Almost there...

Well, I'm almost back to my regular life. Not to sure when all the dust will settle. For those of you who are wondering, it's nothing bad. Just way too much going on at work. I will try to get a few funnies up this evening. As Bartles & James would say, "we thank you for your support."