Why not Minot? I'll tell you why not...

So if you are ever around North Dakota and stumble across an odd shaped thing you probably have never seen before, The Air Force would like you to call 1-800-los-nuke. Just kidding, they didn't loose any, but at this point I wouldn't be surprised. Looks like they are going to go through base commanders like Ritz crackers at this rate. Last year they were at fault for flying live nukes across the country on accident. Along with that boffo, this time around they failed inspections left and right.

The Air Force Times said inspectors saw a security forces airman playing video games on his cell phone while standing guard at a restricted area. Another airman nearby was "unaware of her duties and responsibilities" during the exercise, the newspaper said. Col. Joel Westa, the Minot Air Force Base commander, did not return telephone calls from The Associated Press seeking comment.
An Air Force spokesman, Maj. Tom Crosson, stopped short of saying the base failed the inspection but said, "There were areas identified needing improvement."

What did you friggin call me?

LOL now THIS is reality T.V.

Honest occifer I aint drunk, I'm just stupid...

I have heard a TON of stories on "honest I wasn't drinking that much", but this one takes the cake. Apparently there is a certain young lady who thinks that she blew a .15 in the breathalyzer because she was kissing a young drunk boy... did you know that you can get pregnant that way too little lady? Yup, stamp of the dumbass is heading her way...

Police in Manhasset, N.Y., said a 17-year-old arrested for drunken driving blamed her breath test result on kissing someone who had been drinking.Police said the test found Gianna Vigliotti to have a blood-alcohol level of 0.15 percent, nearly twice the 0.08 percent legal limit for driving, New York Newsday reported Friday.The police report quoted the teenager as saying: "I didn't drink! I was kissing a boy who was drunk."However, officers said they found four full beer bottles under the passenger seat of her car and an empty beer can in her purse.

I bet I can spank it longer than you...

Holy friggin WTF shredded dog crap are the putting in the water in Denmark. I have heard of all kinds of contests where the goal is to do action "X" the longest... but a "when-I-think-about-you-I-touch-myself" a-thon? Please... how the hell do you compete in this, how do you train for it, how the hell do you allow yourself to be on stage while doing it, AND be judged on how well you are doing it? Ok... I'm creeping myself out now even thinking about it...

Organizers of Denmark's first "Masturbate-a-thon," set to be held at a suburban Ishoj nightclub, say more than 60 men and women are registered to compete.The organizers said participants will masturbate in front of the assembled crowd and will then be judged in several categories -- including farthest ejaculation and longest orgasm -- the Copenhagen Post reported Friday.Pia Struck, the organizer of the competition, said she studied under renowned author and sexologist Betty Dodson.

Gangsta betta pedal damn it...

It's a sad day when gas prices have an effect on the simple members of rival gangs. When you and your hommies are too broke to afford gas for the Impala... you know it's bad...

Milwaukee Police are investigating a case in which a suspect claims he was shot while sitting on his porch. The man claims someone fired the shots while riding by his home on a bicycle.It happened in the 2700 block of north 34th a little after 9 on Thursday night.

I can see it now... hoodie on the handle bars like E.T. BLAM BLAM Pedal bitch get us to the 7-11 man, go go go....

Interview Quote of the Day...

“When we were in college we used to take a popcorn popper — because that was the only thing they would let us have in the dorms — and fry squirrels in the popcorn popper.”
–Mike Huckabee


Wow.... just wow...
Why is it always the nutty ones that step up and want to run the country?

Sit your ass down and put on the dunce cap...

What the hell is wrong with the youth of today. A 13 year old kid pulled a knife on his teacher in Framingham, Massachusetts demanding money to pay for a video game. That damn kid is lucky he didn't pull that stunt in a major inner city school, he would have gotten his ass beat in front of all of his friends not to mention, I'm willing to bet some of these teachers are starting to arm themselves with more than rulers these days...

The Fuller Middle School student is charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, possession of a knife and possession of a dangerous weapon. Police Lt. Paul Shastany says the incident occurred at about 10 a.m. on Tuesday at the end of the period.He says the male student stayed behind after the other students had left the classroom, pulled the 11-inch knife and asked for $20. After she refused, he lowered his demand to $1.The teacher took the knife from the student.Shastany says the boy wanted to buy the video game "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" but his mother refused to give him the money, so he came up with an alternate plan.

Oh and on a side note, kid, I have that game... it's not friggin worth it... TRUST me.

Cleared for landing... Roger still looking for Yul Brenner...

NSFW! BUT DAMN it's funny lol. So, if you ever wanted to know what to call the playing field south of the boarder when it has been trimmed in oh so many ways... this instructional video might help. Hmmm might actually turn into my next poll.

BANG! You're dead... wait... BANG NOW you're dead...

So as if our soldiers over across the pond don't have enough to worry abort, now they are having issues with the ammo they are using. According to sources, the soldiers in country are saying that the stopping power of their current munitions just don't cut it in the heavy close quarters combat they are seeing...

The military is reviewing soldiers' complaints that their standard ammunition isn't powerful enough for the type of fighting required in Iraq and Afghanistan, the Army's highest-ranking officer said Thursday. But Gen. George W. Casey Jr., the Army chief of staff, said it was too soon to say whether the Pentagon will switch.
Current and former soldiers interviewed by The Associated Press said the military's M855 rifle rounds are not powerful enough for close-in fighting in cities and towns in Iraq and Afghanistan.

My stance, if they need bigger guns and bullets... call A.C.M.E. and give it to them... beep beep!

Helpful link of the day... well kinda...

I'm not an eBay kinda person... but I know some of you are. Here is a link that helps look for misspelled items on eBay. Nice little tool considering if it's not spelled right, people might not see it to bid on it... and lord knows... I can't spell...

http://www.typohound.com/

I didn't REALLY want to kill you... honest...

In our "no friggin shit" category of the day... a New York maifia boss has a complain at about his trial. He feels as though he can't get a fair trial. Not becuase he feels as thought he court systems are flawed in his above the law world... its be cause he is being accused of plotting a hit on the very judge over seeing his case...

US gangster Vincent Basciano says he cannot get a fair hearing at his forthcoming trial because he has been accused of plotting to kill the judge. Lawyers for the New York mafia boss want Brooklyn federal Judge Nicholas Garaufis removed from the case. 'There is a serious question whether Garaufis has personal animosity towards a person who has allegedly sought to kill him,' one said.

No frggin shit he's gonna be biased...

Sweet pickle crap it grew legs!

Now I normally don't rant about the things around me, but THIS time I'm pissed... So I have a web cam, yes reclusive me actually owns one... well I went looking for it yesterday. Yesterday turned into last night, last night turned into this morning and still no cam. Oh I found the old one that was made for Windows 98 and doesn't friggin work anymore, sure i find THAT piece of crap... sure... but do I find the one I am actually looking for? NNNOOOOooooooOOOOOoooooo of course not! Why? Because Murphy loves me. He really does. That damn web cam has been floating around my desk for the better half of a year, getting in my way, getting tossed side... but when I go to use it? NO! Damn thing runs off like a kid who just stole rubbers from a Wal-Mart. It warms my heart to know that when I'm at wits end tearing the house a part for something Mr Murph will step in and help me out one more time... that son of a BITCH helped me spill a FULL glass of the life juice called Dr. Pepper ALL over my phone, my headset, AND my new damn chair... prick... If I meet him in person, I'm kicking him in the nuts...

I'm sorry your TOO smart for us...

I have heard of some pretty damn stupid people in high schools, but you don't normally associate that with the staff and policies... well, sometimes, but that's beside the point. There is a young lady who is graduating high school early with a damn 5.898 GPA! What makes the story so odd? Even though she has the highest GPA, they won't award her valedictorian... whaaaat?

Grapevine High School senior Anjali Datta holds the highest grade point average of the 471 students graduating from Grapevine High School this year. In fact, Grapevine-Colleyville ISD officials believe her GPA of 5.898 may be the highest in the high school’s history.Her closest competitor’s GPA is 5.64. No one disputes that she’s the top student in her class numerically. The problem rests with another number entirely. Anjali rocketed through high school in only three years. But a school district policy states: “the valedictorian shall be the eligible student with the highest weighted grade point average for four years of high school.”

Yup, looks like we are going to have to award Grapevine-Colleyville ISD a dumbass award...

Damn it, my ink in the printer is out again...

Have no fear, I have found an application that will solve all of your printer ink woes. It's called Blank Paper Utility v.0.9!! Check it out!

BlankSheetofPaper.com is a free online utility to allow you to print a blank
sheet of paper from your printer in case you need a clean white, blank sheet of paper to write on. No download required.

http://blanksheetofpaper.com/



LOL it's ok people... it's a joke...

Is that a snake in your pants or are you just happy to see me...

I know rest stops can be a bit rough. These areas of instant convenience are well known for their issues... the smell, the cleanliness, and the critters. In this case, Especially the critters. This poor gentleman had to endure something that I will now have nightmares about...

A Roadside toilet stop ended in pain, embarrassment and almost death for a tourist when a highly venomous snake bit the end of his penis.The deadly brown snake slithered between his legs and lunged at his manhood as he crouched on a roadside near Laura, 300km northwest of Cairns, about a month ago.

Welcome to McDonalds, whats your emergency?

You have to give Texans this... when they do something... they do it right. An Austin Texas firefighter was fired (no pun intended) when he decided to grab a bite to eat BEFORE responding to a 911 call.

The Austin, Texas, fire chief says he was shocked that one of his firefighters decided to grab a burger before heading out to an emergency call.Firefighter Michael Pooler was fired for a January incident in which he ran over to a fast-food stand next to his fire station before answering a call for help from a woman suffering respiratory distress."Immediate response to 911 calls is the very essence of what it means to be an Austin firefighter. ... Because of his selfish and highly unprofessional actions, he has no right to remain an Austin firefighter," Chief Jim Evans said in a memo released Tuesday.

How do you do, how do you do, how do you do...

In breaking news, 2 gentlemen from San Francisco broke the Guinness world record for... wait for it... shaking hands. Yes, shaking hands... for nine and a half hours.

A San Francisco duo say they have set a world record for shaking hands by waggling their clasped digits for 9.5 hours. Friends Kevin Whittaker, 31, and Cory Jens, 30, said they have submitted their accomplishment to the Guinness Book of World Records, the San Francisco Chronicle reported Tuesday.

My elbow feels like it's about to fall off but it was worth it," Whittaker told the newspaper. "Some achievements are marked by small things. That can be a handshake, it can be a trip to the moon or a vaccine that cures a disease. We're part of that. It's epic because it's the first time this has been done in human history."

Not to stereo-type, cause I'm a "what ever floats your boat" kinda guy... but you have to ask... two men... San Fran... WILLING to hold hands for almost 10 hours....

What can brown do for you?

LOL ok, NSFW, but as usual... toilet humor is just funny! So lets say you have to go, I mean REALLY go... and no where to conduct your orchestrated "movement"? Have no fear, the amazing Shit Box is here!

http://www.thebrowncorporation.com/

La la la-la la la sing a Smurfy song...

Ok, so THIS one is just about the oddest thing I have seen on mainstream TV. I am in NO way condoning the watching of Oprah, especially since I think she is teaming up with Mojo Jojo to take over the world, but this is just damn cool. On Oprah today, she had a guest on that had turned himself blue! That's right, we are talking disinfectant toilet water blue!!!

What caused it? Paul says it started when his friend who worked for years in a machine shop was diagnosed with petroleum poisoning. Paul says he saw an ad in a magazine for something called a colloidal silver generator that said colloidal silver was useful for treating conditions including petroleum poisoning. "So I ordered the generator and I'd go see [his friend] every day. We'd each make a glass of colloidal silver and we'd drink it," he says.

If you want to read the whole article, check it out! lol www.oprah.com

Scouts honor, it's true it's true!

I really enjoy picking on politicians. It doesn't matter what side... they are all free fun fodder in my book. So I know I have been dishing out the goods on the Bush family, but this one I couldn't pass up. Looks like along with Obama never having served in the military, he also doesn't know his history to well. During a Memorial Day speech he revealed to us all that his grandfather not only marched with Patton, but his uncle was a part of the Red Army as well? Wait a minute....

Despite not having served in the military himself, Barack Obama used his Memorial Day remarks to speak about his family’s service. “My grandfather marched in Patton’s army, but I cannot know what it is to walk into battle like so many of you,” he told a small group of veterans here. “My grandmother worked on a bomber assembly line, but I cannot know what it is for a family to sacrifice like so many of yours have.”
Obama also spoke about his uncle, who was part of the American brigade that helped to liberate Auschwitz. He said the family legend is that, upon returning from war, his uncle spent six months in an attic. “Now obviously, something had really affected him deeply, but at that time there just weren’t the kinds of facilities to help somebody work through that kind of pain,” Obama said. “That’s why this idea of making sure that every single veteran, when they are discharged, are screened for post-traumatic stress disorder and given the mental health services that they need – that’s why it’s so important.”

LOL on a side note, afterwards an individual from his campaign caught the mistake and corrected Obama saying that he meant to say Buchenwald, not Auschwitz.

Come out with your hands up... or sleep some more I guess...

Well, looks like the Brits have nothing to worry about on the ever evolving front of the "who's cops are brighter" contest. Looks like us yanks aren't immune to a bit of detailed investigative work either...

Apparently three people in the home, two 19-year-olds and a 21-year-old, had fired some shots around 1 this morning and then went to bed. The 21-year-old was apparently playing around with the gun and decided to shoot it.When police responded, they apparently never knocked on the door. Instead they tried calling the home and had no luck. During the time police were trying to call the home, officers called in the swat team and began to evacuate the neighbors as a precaution. Around 8:30 this morning, the guys finally woke up, realized what was going on outside, and peacefully left with the cops. All three were arrested for possessing a firearm and firing it.

I'm just a bear BOO BOO!!!

There is just something funnier than HELL well people piss their pants... the last few cracked me the hell up!

Put the gun down, or we won't buy your next game...

Ladies and gentleman we have another winner in the "yes we can be that stupud" contest. In the UK, the british police smashed down the door and protected a distressed citizen... from a life size Lara Craft doll..

David Williams, 42, owns a computer shop and received the statue of the Tomb Raider heroine as a promotional item. Deciding to sell it on Ebay, he took Lara home. Coincidentally, he called police around midnight to report some harassing phone calls. When officers arrived, Williams didn't answer the door. Peering in the window, the officers caught the silhouette of Lara holding a pistol. They cordoned off the street, burst through the back door of the home and held Williams at gunpoint.

It is unkown at this time if Miss Croft will be charged...

FLASH! AAAaaaHHHHHhhhhhh...

Well, it was bound to happen. Columbia Pictures announced last Tuesday that hey plan on remaking the 1980 rendition of Flash Gordon. Surprisingly, no writers or actors have stepped forward to jump on this icon of American science fiction. Currently Breck Eisner, director of Sahara, (more importantly Michael Eisner's boy) has signed on to direct this latest attempt at telling the story of Flash. He is on the set now directing another remake, Creature from the Black Lagoon. Can we say, this gig rides on how well the Black Lagoon does? Considering how well the version in the '80s did... i don't think he has much to worry about...

Mommy? Why is she standing to pee...

Ahhhh the way the sun sets on the emerald coast. I miss Destin Florida. The sand was like baby powder, the water was clear to 40 feet, and you could walk into the ladies room... and it's ok. Well, kind of. So there is this little joint called McGuire's Irish Pub. Not one of my personal fav's, that would have to be Hogsbreath Saloon, but that's another story (Long live the Naked Gunmen). In this fun loving "little" pub they have a bit of a running joke, read the fine print on the bathroom doors...

The state took action after the father filed a complaint, which said his 15-year-old daughter was embarrassed and left the restaurant crying after the bathroom incident. General Manager Billy Martin has removed the signs at his Destin pub, but left them at his original pub in Pensacola. "We're not trying to be malicious," Martin told the Northwest Florida Daily News. "It's an Irish joke kind of thing."

More than 3,000 pub patrons have signed a petition to bring the signs back. The men's room sign has large print that reads "Ladies" and smaller text clarifying women shouldn't go in there because it's the men's room. The women's room has a similar sign.

Press 1 for Engrish... press 2 to toss off....

According to a Reuters report, a gentleman in Japan was arrested for calling a phone number to get off on the sexy voice on the other end of the line. Problem? Well, it was a toll free number to a food company and it was the recorded voice that popped his rocks... it takes all kinds of people doesn't it...

The 38-year-old plumber, who was arrested on Sunday, made 3,100 hours worth of free calls to the company, costing it almost 4 million yen (19,500 pounds) in phone bills, a police spokesman in Takasaki, northwest of Tokyo, said.

"He gets excited by the woman's voice on the guidance tape," the spokesman said, adding that the voice sounded normal to the detective who was involved in the investigation.

I probably should have slept instead… pt.4 (finale)

Damn that’s some good coffee… Ok, so as I continued reading along with the Declaration of Independence, we work our way into the following statement: “The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.” This is the whole section that breaks down all the bad stuff the King of England did in order for the colonies to decide to break away in the first place. I wont go through them all… only on the basis that I might put certain people to sleep. Not that my writings are read all over the world by millions of people, I just have complete respect for the few that do.

So let’s hit the first “accusation” in the list… “He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.” Ok… so let me get this straight… Right off the bat, the first “complaint” is about how the current leadership sat on their thumbs, not helping the people out by passing or creating laws to better or even maintain the conditions that they lived in. That reads in my translator that the rising cost of food, taxes that continue to go up, and the high politicians continuing to have million dollar roofs over their heads are a good thing… That there is no need for new laws. Hmmmm where have I heard this before… One sec, need to turn off the news in the background, it’s distracting me.

Rolling on down this poignant list, there is an entry that just punched me in the face. “He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.” Can we say border fence anyone? National directories of foreign nationals? The governments “your land is my land and my land is my land stance”? Ok, before we fire off the debate on the fence is good, the fence is bad, or Uncle Ted Nugent will protect us… I will look into that one later. Let’s “stay the course” as one of the bobbleheads said…
“He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.” Well hell, we have been living this one for a while. In the mindset of the period when this was written there were no alphabet soup organizations. No FBI, no CIA, no NSA, but the functions of those groups were in and under the umbrella of the military of the time. There have always been a select few that operated on specific and direct orders. Most of the time independent of the leader of our nation, acting in what they interpret as “the best interest”. The beauty of this is that any leader can continue to use these services as needed, but continue to maintain plausible deniability. Lovely…

So as I shake off the soup from my sleeve, the closing statements in the Declaration further detail’s that the colonies are breaking away from the tyrannies of the evil empire in order to create their own country.

“We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do”

Damn, that’s powerful. Maybe it’s just me, but that statement, in reflection of the time it was written… the brass it took to put to paper the words and feelings of the pissed off people… wow. From that day forward the United States has been admired, despised, and emulated. We have been on the world stage ever since. We have more than the watchful eye of our own government to worry about these days though. Not to say that there is any other country out there waiting for the failure of our nation to come in and snatch it. That would be a pretty bad choice all in all. It wouldn’t be our visible military force protecting our nation I would worry about… it would be the ones in the hills, bless their souls, that would bring down such a fire and fury that no human on this planet can imagine. I’ve seen Deliverance… have you?

In closing on this journey some of you have chosen to hang around for, I have to say that I am proud of our country. For what it was founded on and how it has matured. For the unknown that was set forth out of necessity and the sheer guts to do something about it. We are still a 20-somethings on the world stage, but we are collectively doing the best we can with what we have. Could people of today in America band together and break away into an independent nation? No… most likely not. Not for lack of passion or desire. It couldn’t happen because of the information age. It would take too long to filter the “bull” as they say, from fact. When making such a drastic choice, you need to make sure you have all the facts in front of you. The same laws that we as Americans have helped create for our independence and freedom can back fire. In the post “9/11” United States as they are calling it, you have to be damn sure about what you say and do. The powers that we have in control wield a strong fist and can inflict deep wounds in our nation and to our people… as it already has. I always read that we are a nation divided, that we are spiraling down to hell in a hand basket. Again, it depends on whose information you accept as fact. Face it, we live in cesspools of misinformation. Don’t get me wrong, I am in love, actually total lust of the information age. I can’t get enough of it, but I’ve always had to stay true to a single line from a song I used to listen to when I was younger…

“Half of what you hear is bull and the other half’s all shit.”