If the thorn crown doesn't fit, you must acquit..

so i'm reading through my news... which has stacked up quite a bit in my absence and i came across a real gem. it would appear that the lord all mighty has been sued. that's right... god has been called to court. listen... i can;t make this kind of shit up, even in my unstable mental state...

Nebraska Court Throws Out Lawsuit Against 'God'

October 15, 2008 CHRISTOPHER BURBACH

You can't sue God if you can't serve the papers on him, a Douglas County District Court judge has ruled in Omaha.

Judge Marlon Polk threw out Nebraska Sen. Ernie Chambers' lawsuit against the Almighty, saying there was no evidence that the defendant had been served. What's more, Polk found "there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant."

Chambers had sued God in September 2007, seeking a permanent injunction to prevent God from committing acts of violence such as earthquakes and tornadoes.

The senator said today that he is considering an appeal of Polk's ruling.

"It is a thoughtful, well-written opinion," Chambers said. "However, like any prudent litigator, I want to study it in detail before I determine what my next course of action will be."

Polk dismissed the lawsuit with prejudice, which means it can't be refiled. But his ruling can be appealed.

Although the case may seem superfluous and even scandalous to others, Chambers has said his point is to focus on the question of whether certain lawsuits should be prohibited.

"Nobody should stand at the courthouse door to predetermine who has access to the courts," he said. "My point is that anyone can sue anyone else, even God."

Chambers, a political independent who has served in the Nebraska Legislature for 38 years, said he decided to make that point after at least two attempts by other senators in the Legislature to limit "frivolous lawsuits."

"I was able to fend them off," Chambers said. "A lawsuit is not frivolous until a court declares it so."

The senator did have a day in court on the case. In August, he argued that Polk should take judicial notice of the existence of God. The senator cited the facts that U.S. currency says "In God We Trust," God is invoked during oaths in court hearings, and chaplains offer prayers before legislative bodies.

"If God is omnipresent," Chambers said in that August hearing, "then he is here in Douglas County and in this courtroom." Polk was not persuaded.

His Tuesday ruling said Chambers' motion to take judicial notice of God "is denied as moot."

Excuse me, are you done with that?

to say that my observations of the world are a bit jaded is an understatement. i guess it comes from years of mental abuse and anguish, self inflicted of course, as my brain becomes a juicy pile of mush. i often wonder if it's the simple things that make me interested, or the fact that i really do enjoy the simple things and the fact that most people ignore them. what a cerebral quagmire that is... for instance, i am completely enamoured of the fact that street signs have a reflective property that is explosive at the right angle when light hits it at night. almost like looking into the eyes of a cat when the pupil is wide open. anyways, to return to my jaded views, i was sitting down enjoying a cup of coffee, when i overheard an interesting conversation. now, i am not one to listen in to a private exchange, but sometimes i just can;t tune it out. i will hear 4 maybe 5 things all at once... almost to the tune of insanity when in public places... as i was saying, this conversation felt as though it were a bit of vocal bait... beckoning someone to snatch it up and run with it. however, i resisted. it was a swirl of hidden relationships, faithless love, and how money was the solution to all of their problems. the gentleman to my left however... bad move. he of course in the smug sense of self riotousness spouted out words of wisdom, coating it with his own personal facts. i'm thinking to myself, ummmmmm mr. jackass of self invitation, please step back from your own reality for a second and realize that, although impressive to see, putting your foot in your mouth all the way to your ass is not a good first impression. even as they break away from contact with each other to watch this master of life spin his web... you could tell something was out of sorts. the young man, now ripped from his concentration of the woman across from him, was almost disgusted at the fact that this walking wall of wisdom has intruded on their personal space. the young lady however bursts into laughter... not phasing our rock or worldly experience. he continued to lecture on relationships and how temptation can ruin a soul... but trailing off he was snapped back... now understanding that his intrusion was most definitely uncalled for... why do you ask...

the young couple collected up the papers that were scrambled across the table in front of them... the script that they were rehearsing for a college play... only in life can you be the bastion of intelligence, the savior, and the primordial soup of stupidity all in the same moment. isnt life grand.

Ten years gone...

I have to say, one of my favorite Zeppelin song of all time. Well, I came across this cover... simply amazing...

Thank you board of edu... wtf did I just step in...

I haven't written about the news in a while... but I couldn't pass this one up. Apparently in Peyton Colorado there is absolutely nothing to do in your spare time... except thinks of things to do with poop. So, why not integrate it into the education system, so that the fine children of your community will learn to respect it. HUH?!?!?! WTF?!?!?!?!

A Peyton, Colo., elementary school principal has apologized to parents and teachers for a "lesson" that involved students looking inside a bag of human waste. Peyton Elementary Principal Michael Auclaire said Tuesday the incident Monday was the result of frustration he and the school's janitorial staff felt at the reoccurring messes in the bathroom frequented by fourth and fifth grade girls, The (Colorado Springs) Gazette reported Thursday. He said the intention of having the children don gloves and look inside the bag of feces and urine was to help the children understand that it is inappropriate to defecate on the floor or toilet seats of the bathroom. However, he conceded that having the children handle the bag "was not the best thing to do."

Ok, let me get this strait... janitors are complaining about cleaning up a bathroom. I'm pretty sure this is where people get told, if you don't want to clean up after someone, get a different job! Ohh ohh better yet... if you would have payed more attention in SCHOOL you wouldn't be cleaning the toilets at one. Well, at least that's what my school counselor always told me...
So, back to the point, you think that by making a kid play with a bag of shit you are going to fix the problem? Hope you don't have any flaming bags of crap sitting on your front porch this weekend... because honestly, they are only going to be emulating those that influence their lives every day... Mr nasty ass fecalfeliac poop lover... hope the bag spills in your desk you sicko.

Podcast!

Well, looks like I'm going to take yet another step in the world of speaking my mind. I will soon start doing an audio podcast. Once I get all the kinks worked out, not only will I make an ass out of myself with the written word... everyone can see how much I sound like an idiot as well. I might even do a weekly videocast as well. Not to sure on that one, I would need to work out a "set" of sorts as a back drop. I'm hoping to get my first one out soon. Right now I'm working on the format that I would use, such as content, music, and how long it will actually be. So stay tuned, I'm coming soon to a sound card near you!
Unless you are using an iPod... then it would be coming soon to your earbuds.... but then again, you could be using speakers with it... or, you might be using a Zune like me, which the only difference is the fact that it's not an Apple device... then the same sound device would apply....


...never mind

What makes a fan...

Fan. Short for fanatic. A person marked or motivated by an extreme, unreasoning enthusiasm, as for a cause. The use of the word "fan" is kicked around with regularity these days. Sports, movies, books.... people... When you boil it down though, a fan or fanatic could be pretty derogatory. Try it some time. Call someone a fanatic. They will probably react as if you were calling them a flag hating war monger just wanting to kill people... call them a fan, they might proudly display a tattoo of a team logo while singing a song. The subtle key is how you use the word in most cases.

The reason I bring up this point is due to a discussion I had with a co-worker the other day. It all started with a txt message saying "I'm almost ashamed to be watching this game..." For those of you who don't know, I’m a pretty big football fan. It doesn't matter if it’s high school, college, or the NFL... I will watch it. I have been known to be cruising down back roads and pull my truck over to watch a Friday night 2A school playing iron man football for nothing more than pride. Hmmmm, unreasoning enthusiasm... Anyways, I don't particularly get fired up over things. Sure I’m excitable, but I don’t go dressing up like character from movies, buy sound tracks because one song on it is from a band I like, or buy books just because person X wants to spill all over the New York Times their latest "send me money because I spoke" bound pile of paper. Adjusting my sideline team cap, the response hits the inbox on my phone... "Well, at least they scored... finally" This feeble attempt to make me feel good, was in fact a classic dig that the two of us share quite often. There tends to be a few unwritten rules among men... well at least as I see it. Wives/girlfriends are off limits, always offer to buy the first round, handshakes are as good as your signature, and insults are not personal, just good form. So I reply with a weak half hearted zing knowing full well the assault is on its way. At this point I am still on the edge of my chair yelling at the officials on my screen, standing up and cheering on the few good plays I see... and of course...proudly beating my jersey into my chest. Half time has past... adjustments made by the team are just not working. Text messages are flying into me like I was on the line during the battle of the bulge. Shells of insults blasting in my face, flashes of "you suck" are stinging my ear drums...

So to the point of what makes a fan... is it the passion? Is it simply pledging allegiance to a certain something? Is it stalking? I type this as two footballs sit to my left, visor on my head, team logo t-shirt on, coffee cup with the bold colors of the stadium shine, the team report playing in my ear on a pod cast, a picture of the teams cheerleaders peeking from behind this page on my screen's background......hmmm...shit.

My name is ChuCK_AmuCK. I am a fanatic. My Houston Texans lost on Sunday 38-17. No, it wasn't even that close. Yes I suck.

Thank you good sir... you will be missed...

In a sad announcement today, Jerry Reed passed away at the age of 71 from complications with emphysema. Aside from his light hearted way of life, his natural act in front of the camera, and unforgettable characters on screen... His music is what will last forever. Keep it east bound and down good buddy and ride that damn thing all the way to heaven! Gear jammers across the world, make way for the Snowman... he's on his way home...

Have you ever... (pt.2)

So to continue, I have also apparently been compared to a character by the name of Capt. Malcolm 'Mal' Reynolds played by Nathan Fillion in the Sci-Fi television show Firefly. Now I have to admit, I did like this show, so it was a bit of an ego boost to hear this one come up. Again, another sarcastic individual that just gets the job done... I'm starting to see a theme here...



Lastly, along with the list of smart assed go getters that I have already been compared to, there is this gentleman. The one... the only... Ferris Bueller. I guess it's from all those so called scams I pulled off in high school... I have no idea what those might have been. >:-) Pretty sure this one doesn't need a video hehehehe.

Have you ever...

While sitting down having a few Tecates with a bunch of friends, someone at the table said that I act like Dennis Leary when I get upset. They continued to compare some of my rants to his stand up calling out how that I cant help but make a vicious point without adding humor too it. Not to mention the apparent pace at which I dole out any said rant. Sadly... I kind of agree. So I have been taking a bit of a poll with those who know me in person... "If I were and actor or any other person in the public eye, who would you compare me too?"


First up... Jethro Gibbs (Mark Harmon) from NCIS
I have been told that my mannerism are quite similar to his, direct and to the point with a wicked twist of sarcasm, not to mention his love for coffee. I would say that it definitely rivals mine. I never really saw the correlation until I sat down one weekend and watched a few re-runs on t.v. Asking my self "Am I that much of an ass? Humm, guess I am."

Sad thing is, in certain circumstances I say "I'm sorry" quite often... hmmmm time to re-evaluate that lol.




Second is, well Dennis Leary. I think the video speaks for itself... and yes I have BLOWN up in a coffee shop like this... well before I knew this video existed lol (NSFW due to language)



I think we will make this one a multi part post... more to come :-)

Holy smoking double bogey Batman...

Don't you just hate it when you are in one of those funks. Well, I'm in one. I have never claimed to be a good golfer... but I'm alright. I was actually on the straight and narrow there for a while. Shooting in the high 80's low 90's... not bad all things considered. Lately though... as in the last 4 damn times I have gone out, oh it's horrid. Not just horrid, I would compare my golf game right now to something along the lines of what a baby would look like if Flavor Flav and Roseanne Barr had a kid with 4 legs. Oh yea... it's that bad. I have been slicing the hell out of everything. Far right, far right... toe it off to the damn right. So I have closed the club face a bit, made my hand positions on my grip a bit stronger, hell... I even tossed the ball up in the air and took a crack at it like it was a baseball... yup, sliced it too. On TOP of all of that, I haven't been able to clear my mind on the course. As soon as I address the ball, the land of a thousand thought come flying in. Everything from did I lock the truck to I wonder if there is air in the tires on my mountain bike.

Oh OH and get this... the most recent thing... my 20th high school reunion... yea... why THAT has been on my mind... I have no friggin clue. I even had a nightmare about it last night. I say nightmare, cause it sure as hell wasn't any fun. Everyone was all dressed up in nice cloths talking about the things that they do now... And here I am, in my cargo shorts, one of my many golf shirts and my Houston Texans visor on. One person (who will remain nameless) mentioned to me that they were in the cattle business. Striking my curiosity, I responded "Oh really? Angus, Brahman, Hereford?" In return I got "Well I don't know all about that stuff you just said, but I'm in the cattle business" (for those of you who don't know.... those are breeds) To top it all off, the damn reunion was in MY HOUSE! Oh I don't friggin think so... wanna see how fast ChuCK can throw people down the street? Invite all the people I went to high school with to my house and you will soon find out. Everything about that damn dream was wrong or demented. I'm sure there is some psycho babble theory out there that I have some hidden resentment about my life or I am questioning how well things are for me. Why that is, again, I don't know. I'm not the type of person that feels the need to keep up with the "guy next door". Buying new stuff just because I saw him walk in with a new T.V. or something. No need for that at all. As long as my family is taken care of, that is worth life itself. Well... in my book anyways...

So where does this leave me? I'll tell you where... a shitty golf game, no beer in the fridge, and a fear to sleep because the LAST thing I want to be reminded of is some of the people I went to school with. But hey, I am looking on the bight side. I have a 16 year black label scotch in the bar downstairs that is just smoking awesome. Mainly because the store I go to gave me a discount on it... because they said it was too old and from last Christmas. They didn't want it on the shelves anymore. Scotch... too old.... "You have any more in the back ma'am? I will be happy to take this nasty old firewater off your hands."