Interview Quote of the Day...

“Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening.”
–Bill Clinton

guess it's tough to hear from under his desk...

Guest blog writer...

YAY!!!! I have been asked to do some guest writing on another blog! I will be posting my "I should have slept instead" series on their blog as well. PLEASE take the time to go check them out at phukkoff.com

Interview Quote of the Day...

"Boy, they were big on crematoriums, weren't they?"
-George Herbert Walker Bush
-during a tour of Auschwitz
(yes, that's daddy Bush... it's no wonder we get so many gems from Jr.)

I probably should have slept instead… pt.1

(This will be a mini-series, so hang in there)
I was a bit out of sorts last night, so being in an unstable mind I read a few of what are considered the greatest historical documents this country supposedly has. I’m not talking about the dollar menu at McDonalds or the latest misguided information in the New York Times. (like any one reads off of paper these days anyways) I’m talking about the Declaration of Independence and The Constitution. So as I’m reading these documents, I find my mind wandering off. The problem is, I tend to view everything with a cynical eye. If you REALLY think about it… pretty much everything on this planet has a funny spin on it. Not to mention, when I read things there is this really cool teleprompter that shows up in my head to help me understand. So, here we go… the preamble of The Constitution of the United States of America.

We the People of the United States. Ok, let’s take a look at that. We the people huh? This is only reserved for those who get the bar-coded stamp of numbers that are in a system controlled by the government. You know, the suits on the hill that make up the people? The people of “We” were forgotten years ago.

In Order to form a more perfect Union. Perfect in the eyes of the elitist politicians and business owners that control our every waking existence from the brand on the shelves to when we can hunt for food…. Yea that sounds perfect to me.

Establish Justice. This is where I hear the music on the other end of the phone in between those heartfelt messages… I’m sorry, the “eye for an eye” system is busy right now, please hold. Your call is important enough to us to ignore the real problems at home while we deal with another country’s issue.

Insure domestic Tranquility. The big giant head says “Drink the cool-aid & watch your cable, all is good.”

Provide for the common defense. Well, before we can provide for the common defense we must first spend money on pet projects for screws and hinges made in a foreign country, fund a conflict on every continent for the sake of great CNN coverage, and enjoy dinner with the finest lobbyist on Capitol Hill. Once this is all taken care of, I’m sure the people of “We” are next in line…

Promote the general Welfare. Oh are you in need? Sorry, we already spent that money in a country that wasn’t even on the map until a satellite news crew showed up. Your poor conditions in rural America are not that bad… you’re an American right? Be happy, eat your friggin cheese. Ignore the poverty in our own country, we have well funded systems to help everyone. ::: insert cricket sounds here:::

And secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity. This one here is my personal favorite… pay your taxes you sheep of America. Our representative on the hill has a Bentley that needs new tires. Your children will thank the all mighty man when they learn to skip a meal. Makes them tough and appreciate how good it is here.

Do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America. Forcing views down our throat while we gag on the hand that they wipe their ass with… yum.

…but I digress, this is just the preamble of The Constitution. 1787 was a couple of years ago. How are we to expect that the general public would even want to know about it, much less understand why it was written in the first place... So let’s move along kids. We are walking, were walking, were walking aaaaannnd stop. Here are the Amendments of the Constitution... (Stay tuned)

Random quote from a book in my house pt.1

"In the end of this year he was seized with a spasmodic asthma of such violence that he was confined to the house in such great pain, being sometimes obliged to sit all night in his chair, a recumbent posture being so hurtful to his respiration that he could not endure lying in bed; and there came upon him at the same time that oppressive and fatal disease, a dropsy."

- Boswell, James (1791) The Life of Samuel Johnson

Natual selection isnt that bad after all...

sometimes i wonder if the whole natural selection way of evolution (if thats your bag) is a good idea or not. so there is this chap in Dallas Texas who once again proved that the limit of human stipudity (if you havent noticed... that how i spell it) is as high as the sky. this guy is pounding back beers, playing cards, you know... having fun. he then gets one of those crazy deep itches in the middle of his back. we have all had them, those shitty ones you can never reach... well, unlike most of us who would LOOK around for something to scratch it... check out this slick winner...

“He told officers he had an itch on his back and grabbed the first thing he
could get a hold of, which was a revolver,” Lt. Dean said. “The gun went off."
Mr. Espinal went back and told his buddies that he shot himself. “They
didn’t believe him until they saw the blood coming down his back,” Lt. Dean
said.

Hi, I'm Billy Mays...

it slices, it dices, it even hammers nails!!! ok, well maybe not, but to know that i have the whole Warner Bros. ACME catalog at my fingertips? now thats just cool... check it out

ACME Catalog

Holy flaming shit box Batman!

i admit, i can rock a can as good as the next guy... but you could image the braggin' rights of the man pig who would have had this happen to him?

Free repairs to flammable toilets

Japan's leading toilet manufacturer is offering free repairs to 180,000 toilets after some of them caught fire.There have been three incidents of the electric bidet accessory in Toto's Z series catching fire, reports the BBC.
"Fortunately nobody was using the toilets when the fire broke out and there were no injuries," a company spokesman said.
"The fire would have been just under your buttocks," she
added.

Interview Quote of the Day...

"A lot of gamers were somehow expecting Gears 2 to suddenly come out and have big bright purple flowers and rainbows and unicorns coming out of my ass or something like that."

-Epic Games' Cliff Bleszinski

(Eurogamer interview of Cliff on Gears of War 2)

Education at it's finest...

so i wonder if this is what Bush had in mind with the whole no child left behind thing. as if these 'innocent' high school students havent seen worse on MTV, Desperate Housewives, or YouTube... come on.... a picture IN another picture in a book???

Allen (Texas) High School students first noticed the
scandalous pictures on a magazine in the background of a photograph in the
Deutsch Aktuell textbook, WFAA-TV, Dallas reported Tuesday.
"We were actually
doing a class reading and a few students noticed it and started giggling, and
the teacher caught on and the whole class knew," student Joshua Sabik
said.
"Oh, it was obvious ... Naked women, breasts, right out there in your
face," Joshua's mother Desiree Sabik told WFAA.