Random quote from a book in my house pt.1

"In the end of this year he was seized with a spasmodic asthma of such violence that he was confined to the house in such great pain, being sometimes obliged to sit all night in his chair, a recumbent posture being so hurtful to his respiration that he could not endure lying in bed; and there came upon him at the same time that oppressive and fatal disease, a dropsy."

- Boswell, James (1791) The Life of Samuel Johnson

Natual selection isnt that bad after all...

sometimes i wonder if the whole natural selection way of evolution (if thats your bag) is a good idea or not. so there is this chap in Dallas Texas who once again proved that the limit of human stipudity (if you havent noticed... that how i spell it) is as high as the sky. this guy is pounding back beers, playing cards, you know... having fun. he then gets one of those crazy deep itches in the middle of his back. we have all had them, those shitty ones you can never reach... well, unlike most of us who would LOOK around for something to scratch it... check out this slick winner...

“He told officers he had an itch on his back and grabbed the first thing he
could get a hold of, which was a revolver,” Lt. Dean said. “The gun went off."
Mr. Espinal went back and told his buddies that he shot himself. “They
didn’t believe him until they saw the blood coming down his back,” Lt. Dean
said.

Hi, I'm Billy Mays...

it slices, it dices, it even hammers nails!!! ok, well maybe not, but to know that i have the whole Warner Bros. ACME catalog at my fingertips? now thats just cool... check it out

ACME Catalog

Holy flaming shit box Batman!

i admit, i can rock a can as good as the next guy... but you could image the braggin' rights of the man pig who would have had this happen to him?

Free repairs to flammable toilets

Japan's leading toilet manufacturer is offering free repairs to 180,000 toilets after some of them caught fire.There have been three incidents of the electric bidet accessory in Toto's Z series catching fire, reports the BBC.
"Fortunately nobody was using the toilets when the fire broke out and there were no injuries," a company spokesman said.
"The fire would have been just under your buttocks," she
added.

Interview Quote of the Day...

"A lot of gamers were somehow expecting Gears 2 to suddenly come out and have big bright purple flowers and rainbows and unicorns coming out of my ass or something like that."

-Epic Games' Cliff Bleszinski

(Eurogamer interview of Cliff on Gears of War 2)

Education at it's finest...

so i wonder if this is what Bush had in mind with the whole no child left behind thing. as if these 'innocent' high school students havent seen worse on MTV, Desperate Housewives, or YouTube... come on.... a picture IN another picture in a book???

Allen (Texas) High School students first noticed the
scandalous pictures on a magazine in the background of a photograph in the
Deutsch Aktuell textbook, WFAA-TV, Dallas reported Tuesday.
"We were actually
doing a class reading and a few students noticed it and started giggling, and
the teacher caught on and the whole class knew," student Joshua Sabik
said.
"Oh, it was obvious ... Naked women, breasts, right out there in your
face," Joshua's mother Desiree Sabik told WFAA.

Now THATS marketing...

according to the UPI (United Press International) of London, the RAF has started a new marketing campain... rubbers. :-) The RAF has begun a mass mailing operation to raise awareness about how the RAF arent a bunch of stiffs or are they...(pun might have actually been intended)

"A total of 20,000 prophylactics are being mailed in a recruitment drive,
The Sun reports. They're mounted on cards with the instruction "Apply to weapon
when on maneuvers.""

Included on the card are several other handy uses for the 'ol pole
wrapper... one can only image. gotta love the brits :-)

Inspirational lyrics pt.8

"Okay lets buzz a while
A buzz buzz (buzz buzz)
A buzz buzz (buzz buzz)
A buzz buzz (buzz buzz)
A buzz buzz (buzz buzz)"

- James Moore (aka Slim Harpo), I'm a King Bee

Yes... this is a true story...

no offense to those in the 'help desk' world... i know what it's like. problem is, smacktards like this guy are what ruin it for the ones who really can help and know what the hell they are doing. though, i must admit, it was fun as well...
to fill in the back story, i have an XP x64 system that i have been trying to get printer drivers installed for a while. the trick is... every link on HP's site was dead or timesout at the time of this call. so, for your enjoyment... here are a few snippets from our hour long chat...

Alfred: Chuck, are you able to see the Download button?

Chuck Amuck: yes... I can get to the site...
Chuck Amuck: but the ftp location, the location of the file, times out

Alfred: Okay. Please try with this location.
Alfred: .
Alfred: Are we still connected online?

Chuck Amuck: yes we are

Alfred: Okay.
Alfred: Are you able to download the software?

Chuck Amuck: no I am not... that’s the whole point
Chuck Amuck: the link times out
Chuck Amuck: or do you not understand timeouts

Alfred: I understand your concern.

Chuck Amuck: this has been fun and all...
Chuck Amuck: but I’m pretty sure I’m not going to get anywhere with this

Alfred: I realize how testing the situation can be; please be assured I will do my best to resolve the issue.

Chuck Amuck: how testing the situation can be?
Chuck Amuck: you mean frustrating...
Chuck Amuck: unless testing has taken on a whole new meaning I am unaware of

Alfred: Thanks for being online.

Chuck Amuck: not a problem, I enjoy being online

Alfred: Chuck, please try to download any other application.

Chuck Amuck: well, I download my updates all the time... does that count?
Chuck Amuck: I downloaded a patch for one of my games this morning, does that count?

Alfred: Let us delete all the temporary files in the C drive.

Chuck Amuck: ok, which temp directories?
Chuck Amuck: ... I have several
Chuck Amuck: ...and again I pose the statement... this has nothing to do with my ability to download

Alfred: To isolate the issue we have to delete all the temp files and disable the antivirus and firewall.

Chuck Amuck: as entertaining as this is, this is where I will draw the line.
Chuck Amuck: I’m not opening up my machine in that fashion
Chuck Amuck: considering I have no issues downloading from anywhere else
Chuck Amuck: ok, well it’s been fun... thank you for your time
Chuck Amuck: I’m just going to pick up a Canon. I was able to download their drivers while we were chatting.
Chuck Amuck: again, thank you for your time

Alfred: You are most welcome.


wow... i hope he doesnt breed....

Old School...

So I was digging through my mountain of software, floppies, and mystery sheets of paper when I can across my copy of Bards Tale. I'm not talking any re-hash or new flashy opengl version... I'm talking the original from Interplay... when they were the new boys on the software block. Ahhh yes... the year was 1985... Back to the Future was on top of the box offices, Mikhail Gorbachev just came into power in Russia, and good 'ol Ronnie was running the show. It just doesn't get any better than that. So anyways, I decided to see if I could install the game... and low and behold after cramming that whole 669kb of data onto my machine, I was soon basking in the glow of a grand CGA game. A game that stole many hours of my life that I will never get back. I soon realized that my brain was a bit unequipped to handle the game like it used to.... that's not to say I'm very good with the door knobs of today as well, but that's a story for another time. I spent about 2 hours wandering around the town of Skara Brae. In that time my head was slowly tilting to the left in my best pose as a confused puppy... what in the hell am I doing playing this damn game. Yet AGAIN Bard's Tale was stealing my life away like an electronic drug, slowly sucking the neurons right out of the 'ol brain pan. It makes me wonder.... If I didn't spend any time at all hammering away on a keyboard, all that time trying to defeat the evil wizard Mangar the Dark, or killing little dots and eating ghosts in Pac-man, what the hell would I have turned out like? Did all those games wreck my brain? Was it an overdose of Captain Kangaroo? Were Bert and Ernie really gay lovers? I guess we will never know...